Their Little Infinity
by Wallflower95
Summary: It's been three months since Augustus Waters passed away and Hazel is heartbroken. Then she finds out something that shocks everyone. There might be a chance that Hazel and Gus can have their little infinity after all.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I'm kinda new to the fanfic world but I am so excited to share this story with you guys. The Fault In Our Stars is one of my favorite books and this is just kind of a sequel to the book. The amazing John Green is the owner of these fantastic characters, I'm just writing a whole new story for them:) your comments and feedback will be much appreciated. Just want to let you know I am quite busy with life in general but I will not give up on this story. I hope to update very soon. Thanks!:)**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

Their Little Infinity

Chapter 1

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Okay. Calm down. Breathe.

It's been a month and a half since my last period. This can't be a surprise though, right? When I think of how it could have happened I think of that night in Amsterdam with... Gus. Even thinking his name brings a pain to my chest. Not the whole 'crappy lungs just not functioning cause of my stupid cancer' more of the 'I lost the love of my life' pain.

I take a deep breath. Well, as much as a person with crap lungs can take. It's not for sure and there is only one way to find out. I wash my hands at the bathroom sink as I take a look at my reflection in the mirror. When I first met Augustus Waters her referred to me that I looked like Natalie Portman in her pixie cut era. I look nothing like that now. I'm pale and my cheeks are puffy thanks to the Phalaxinfor. I adjust the nubbins in my nose and take another shuddering breath.

The one person I wanted to talk to about all the crap that's going is Ausgustus Waters. _Gus is no longer suffering from person-hood._

My reflection's eyes start to pool with tears._ No._ I shook my head, turned on the sink and splashed water onto my face. _I can't. Not now. I need to know. For Gus._ I grabbed a towel and took a swipe at my face. I walked out the bathroom with my oxygen tank in tow. I sat down on my bed and shoved my feet into my chuck taylors. I picked up my phone and sent a text to my friend Kaitlyn. _Meet me at Walgreen's drug store 20mins. Will explain there._ I picked up my purse and dragged my oxygen tank out my bedroom door.  
I passed my parents who were both sitting at the kitchen table with their laptops in front of them.

"I'm going out with Kaitlyn. Be back in a couple of hours." I walked to the front door quickly so no questions would be asked. Of course, my parents had a grenade for a daughter so there would always be question. A chair screeched across the floor.

"Hold on." I stopped with my hand on the doorknob. I turned to face my mom.

"Are you okay Hazel?" My mom asked. I love my mom and I appreciated everything she's done for me but sometimes I need to do things on my own.

"I'm okay mom. I just need to get out for a bit." I said. Not a total lie. My mom touched my cheek and said quietly.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" I nodded. I knew she was talking about Gus. It's been hard since he died. My mom hugged me tightly as if she would never see me again. It must suck to think you'll lose your child any day.

"It's only for a couple of hours mum." I said while patting her back. My mom stepped back and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I love love love you." She whispered. I smiled at the the sound of all those loves.

"And I you." I grabbed the car keys and walked out the door.

* * *

"Darling! How are you?" Katelyn took me by the shoulders and kissed me on each cheek.

"I'm holding up." I answered. "And you?" Kaitlyn tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Bored with life darling. I need some excitement!" I sighed as best as I could.

"Well I believe I can help with that." I took her hand and led her into the drugstore.

* * *

"Oh my god!"

"SHHH!"

"Sorry."

"How long since your period?" Kaitlyn asked.

"A month and a half." Kaitlyn stood quietly in the aisle while I scanned the shelves for a pregnancy test I like.

"Did you ever think that maybe you're..."

"I'm what?" I looked at her. Kaitlyn shrugged her shoulders.

"Being paranoid?" That thought did come to mind... at first.

"No. I just have this feeling and I just want to make sure. If I'm not... you know then no harm no foul." I grabbed a blue box from the shelf and looked at Kaitlyn.

"Let's see then shall we?"

* * *

Kaitlyn and I leaned against the bathroom stall walls staring at the lone pregnancy test lying on the top of the toilet.

"So if you are pregnant it'd be..."

"Gus." I answered. "We did it in Amsterdam before he died." Kaitlyn nodded sadly.

"What are you going to do Hazel?" Kaitlyn whispered. The truth is I didn't think that far ahead. If I am pregnant that really scares me. Pregnant at 16? But then I was happy for some reason. Maybe it was because there could be a little person growing inside of me or maybe it was because there's still a part of Augustus Waters in the world. I didn't know. All I know right now is that I may or may not be pregnant.

"How long has it been?"

"Fifteen minutes. Guess we can check now." We both stared at the pregnancy test.

"I just want you to know Hazel.." I looked at my friend. Kaitlyn cleared her throat.

"I just want you to know that I will be here with you. Every step of the way." Kaitlyn took my hand. I never thought Kaitlyn I were close. Sure we had been friends when I was still in school and we hung out every now and then since I got diagnosed but in that moment I could truly say Kaitlyn was my friend.

"Thanks Kaitlyn." Kaitlyn smiled. I took another pathetic breath and picked up the test and held it in between me and Kaitlyn.

"Oh my god."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for waiting patiently for chapter #2. It's been a crazy week but I managed to fit some time in for the story. I really hope you guys like this chapter. I stayed up till 1am working on it! again comments and feedback are really appreciated:) please be warned though you might need a million boxes of kleenex in order to read this chapter. I got a little teary eyed writing it!:( hoping to get chapter #3 up asap. without further ado i give you chapter 2! happy reading!**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

Chapter 2

I drive home in complete silence. Am I in shock? No. Well... maybe. I honestly don't know. I park the van in our driveway and turn the engine off. I look at my purse where I put the pregnancy test in a plastic baggie. So many thoughts go through my head. _I wish there was a shut off button for my brain. _I grab my purse and Phillip (my oxygen tank) and go into the house. _They should know._

"Hi sweetie. How was hanging out with Kaitlyn?" I swear I was going to tell them right then and there. I looked at my parents. They were both at their laptops in the kitchen with mountains of paperwork in front of them. They both had dark shadows under their eyes. It hurt me knowing that I was just another task added to their list of hardships in life. I swallowed my comment down and replied. "Fun. We hung out at the mall."

"That's nice. Go wash up for dinner okay?"

"Okay." I walk into my room and shut the door. _Why didn't I tell them?_ My phone buzzed. It was Kaitlyn.

"Yeah?"

"You tell them?"

"No, not yet." Kaitlyn sighed on the other end.

"You should Hazel. They deserve to know plus you need all the help you can get."

"I know. I'm just scared." I was scared. _Who wouldn't be?_

"Dinner!" My dad called.

"I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Good luck." I clicked my phone off and washed my hands in the bathroom before heading to the kitchen. _Here goes nothing._

* * *

My parents were having a conversation about some guy at my dad's company. I kinda zoned out and started playing with my food. I was suddenly not in the mood for pasta salad.

"Hazel? Hazel? Earth to Hazel?"

"Huh?"

"How are the leftovers?"

"Oh they're fine." I said. My Mom frowned.

"What's going on up there?" My Mom pointed to my head. _Should I tell them now? Better late than ever I guess._

"If it's about Gus..."

"It's not about Gus Mom."

"I know you miss him sweetie but maybe it's time to accept that he's really gone."

"What?"

"I'm just saying honey that he's been gone for two months and it's time to-"

"I can never accept his death Mom. Never!" Tears pooled in my eyes. _What is wrong with me?_

"Gus didn't deserve to die! He was never supposed to leave this earth before me. I should have died first. I was supposed to go first! Not him." The tears were really coming down now. I couldn't control them. _Why am I so emotional?_

"Sweetie-"

"I'm pregnant." It was so quiet right then in there you could probably hear a pin drop in the next room. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. I was just feeling so emotional it just came out.

"What?" My Mom and Dad stared at me in shock.

"I'm pregnant." I repeated wiping at my eyes with my sleeve.

"When? How?" My Dad asked slowly.

"Well Dad when two people really love each other-"

"Hazel." My Mom said seriously. I sniffed.

"Gus and I did it in Amsterdam. Before he got really sick." My parents stared at me.

"You had sex?!" My Mom said in shock. I rolled my eyes.

"Really? That's the only part you heard?"

"Hazel we're just trying to understand-" My Dad was trying really hard to cope with news.

"Why is this so hard to understand?!" I stood up for the kitchen table dramatically.

"I did it with Augustus because I loved him. I still love him! I didn't know this was going to happen okay? There were some condom problems that's all." I sobbed. I couldn't stop the tears from coming. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. My mom pulled me in for a hug. She rubbed my head.

"We can figure this out Hazel. We can go to a doctor and talk about an abortion." I staggered backwards almost tripping over my oxygen tank.

"What are you talking about?" I said.

"Honey you're sixteen."

"I know my age mom. What makes you think I want to get rid of the baby?" I had talked it over with Kaitlyn before I left the drugstore. I know what I wanted to do and I think I know what Gus would have wanted.**  
**

"I want to keep the baby." I said.

"But but-" My mom was struggling to get words out. I didn't want to change my mind. This is what I've decided.

"But your treatment! The baby can't survive with the treatment you're getting for your cancer." My mom wasn't giving up.

"I'll give up treatment." I said matter of factly. That shut my mom up.

"Hazel." My dad said quietly. I shook my head.

"No. This is what I've decided. I want to have the baby and I'll give up treatment to do that even if it means giving up my life." I could't imagine not existing. Not being a part of this world. Being in a capital "S" somewhere. With Gus. My crooked smiled, metaphor smoking boyfriend whom I missed dearly. If I have the baby there will be a part of me and Augustus in the world. A part of us that would never become a grenade like we were or are. I made up my mind.

"Look." I said quietly looking at both of my parents.

" I know you don't understand why I've decided to do this but you have to trust me. I'm a grenade. I always have been. We've always known. If I have the baby there will be a part me and Augustus in the world that would never be a grenade." My mom was sobbing quietly and my dad stared at me silently.

"It's my life. Please trust me." I whispered. My dad stepped forward and took both my hands.

"Okay." He whispered. My mom stared at him in shock. I did too. My dad, my extremely emotional dad was agreeing to let me give up my life for the baby that's growing inside of me.

"Like Gus said, the world is not exactly a wish granting factory." He said. I hugged my dad.

"I'd miss you kiddo." My dad whispered.

"At least you won't have to watch crappy tv shows any more." I said with a smile on my face. My dad laughed and cried at the same time. I hated doing this to them but I knew it was eventually going to happen.

My dad released my and my stepped forward. Her face was red and puffy. I wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I have to do this. There was never hope for me but there is hope for the baby." I said as I touched my stomach. My mom nodded.

"I don't want to lose you." My mom whispered.

"I know." I whispered back. I rubbed my mom's head as I held her in a tight hug.

"I love love love you." I whispered. I could feel my mom smile.

"And I you." She said. My dad stepped forward and hugged us both as we cried quietly.

* * *

The next person to tell on my list was my friend Isaac. I reached for my phone in purse and dialled Isaac's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey. Can I come over?"

"Sure. Counterinsurgence?

"You bet."

"Okay see you in a few."

"Bye." I snapped my phone shut. I put some jeans on, yellow flips flops and an old basketball hoodie that used to belong to Gus. I rolled my oxygen tank out my door and grabbed the car keys on the way out. My mom sat in the living room doing more work. My dad was out for work.

"I'm going to Isaac's and you know... tell him the news."

"Good luck." My mom said with a small smile. I think she was having a hard time accepting the fact that I was giving up treatment. We were going to see Doctor Maria in a few days to tell her the news.

"Thanks."

* * *

I stood at Isaac's front door. I was nervous. Isaac was just another person in my life I was going to hurt. I flashed back to the night of the broken trophies at Gus's house. Isaac's girlfriend had broken up with him when he had gotten his eyes taken out of his head. He had been so emotional that night. I sighed. _I hope he can handle my news._ I knocked on his door.

Isaac opened the door. He sorta gazed past me, well, he can't really gaze considering he's blind.

"Hazel not the traitor ex-girlfriend." I said with a smile.

"That's getting old." Isaac said with a huge grin on his face. Isaac has been handling Gus's absence from the world rather well lately. Much better than me.

"Enter." Isaac gestured into his house. I walked in dragging Phillip behind me.

"How have you been Hazel?" Isaac asked.

"Well enough thanks. How are the eyes?" I asked.

"Not in my head thanks for asking." Isaac said. Shall we go into battle Private Jacks?"

"Indeed Sgt. Mayhem!"

* * *

Weekly video game playing with Isaac always had the same results. We'd take the first few levels seriously and then after that we'd mess around with Isaac's video game system.

"Touch the wall." Isaac.

You touch the wall.

"Lick the wall." Me

I do not understand-

"Suck cave wall."

I do not understand-

"Suck. The. Cave's. Balls!"

I do not understand-

"Do the dirty deed with the wall."

I do not understand-

"OH MY GOD DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS?! HAVE SEX WITH THE WALL!"

I do not understand-

"That's because you're stupid."

I do not understand-

"Of course you don't. Pause."

Then we'd roll around laughing our heads off. I hated to ruin this moment. _Can I do this to Isaac? After he lost Gus?_

"You okay Hazel? You're quiet." Even though Isaac is completely blind he's still there for you when you need someone.

"I need to tell you something." I said slowly.

"Mkay spit it out." I inhaled as deeply as I could.

"I'm pregnant with Gus's child." Even though his black chunky glasses covered most of his face you could still tell Isaac was in total shock.

"You can take a moment to process. I'm gonna get some water." I drag Phillip into Isaac's kitchen and fill a glass full of tap water. I suddenly realized how much damage I'm going to cause when I finally go. Sure my only loved one are my parents, Isaac and Kaitlyn but I also need to say goodbye to Gus's parent. I'm going to cause so much damage when I finally explode. I walk back into the living room with my glass and sit across from Isaac.

"You okay?" I ask.

"What about your treatment?" Isaac asks. I sigh.

"I'm giving up treatment." Isaac was silent. _Give him time I thought._

"I should go-" Isaac grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I looked at him.

"Even though I'm still thinking in my head 'Holy shit holy shit holy shit.' I think what you're doing is incredibly brave." Isaac said.

"Thanks." I whispered. Then came the waterworks.

"But it really freaking sucks cause I'm losing my other best friend." Isaac sobbed. I hugged him tightly.

"Do you have to do this?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes. I do." I whispered. Isaac sat back and wiped the tears from his face.

"Okay. I have to do this for whatever reason, I'm with you." I squeezed his hand. I don't want to leave the people I love but it's just something that would have happened regardless of getting pregnant.

"I'm sorry I have to do this Isaac." I whispered.

"I think I understand why you're doing it. For him right?" I look up at the ceiling as if Gus's ghost is staring down at us.

"Yes."

* * *

That night I'm lying in bed with my stuffed blue bear in my arms. I think of what I'm doing to all the people I love. Sure it will hurt when I'm gone but at least I'll get the chance to say my goodbyes.

"Well Gus, this is it." I say quietly as if Gus can hear me.

"I hope there's room for me in that capital "S" somewhere we were talking about." I look at my bedside table. Lying on the table is my copy of An Imperial Affliction by Peter Van Houten. The book that brought us together.

"I love you Gus. Present tense. Okay?"

_Okay._ I imagined him saying. I smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Thanks for waiting patiently. I had some difficulty putting this chapter into words. Its seemed to go so well in my head. I'm also re-reading The Fault in our Stars so I can make the characters in my story a little more like the ones in TFIOS. Not too much though because I do have my own interpretation of the characters. How are you guys liking the story so far? Good bad? Please comment I appreciate all feedback!:) Also just letting you know that I've decided this story will be told from three points of view. I may or may not add a 4th point view but for now there will be three narrators. Before reading each chapter there will be the name of the chapter's narrators in bold letters before the start of each chapter. Just so you don't get confused or anything. happy reading!**

**-hazelgrace95**

**p.s thanks for the comments you guys have already written! i love all the support:) stay tuned for chapter 4! hoping to have it up soon**

* * *

Chapter 3

**Hazel **

The next day my mom drove me too Children's hospital where I was meeting with Dr. Maria.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" My mom asked. I think my mom is still desperately hoping that I will change my mind and decide to get rid of the baby. I took my mom's hand and squeezed it.

"I'm sure. Just wait out here. I'll be fine." I said with a smile. My mom nodded but didn't smile. I know what I was doing wasn't fair to the people I love but deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. I gave my mom's hand one last squeeze and then walked into the hospital.

* * *

"Hazel! How are you?" Dr. Maria hugged me. I hugged Dr. Maria awkwardly.

"Still I breathing." I said with a smile. Dr. Maria gestured towards the chair in front of her desk. I dragged Phillip towards the chair and I sat down facing Dr. Maria's pleasant looking face.

"So, your mother said you have something to tell me." She smiled while folding her hands together on her desk. I nodded.

"I'm pregnant." I say quietly. She looked at me with a small smile and nodded. I sighed in exasperation.

"She told you?" She nodded.

"You're mother is... trying to understand your decision Hazel."

"I know she is but she has to understand there was never hope for me. You know that as well as I do." Dr. Maria nodded.

"I know you're not a fan of sugar-coating the obvious Hazel."

"That's why you're my favourite Doctor." I said with a smile. Dr. Maria reached for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You are sure about this?"

_Am I? Do I really want to do this to my parents? To Kaitlyn and Isaac? No. Of course not but then I don't want to live the rest of my days as a grenade. I can't let my my loved ones look at me thinking I'll explode on the spot. I'm not giving up on life. I'm choosing to give my life to someone who has a chance in this world. I want to leave my mark in this world. Like Gus did. Yes. I have to do this._

"I'm sure." Dr. Maria nodded.

"Okay. There is the matter of your treatment." I nodded for her to continue.

"Giving up the Phalaxinfor means that the mets in your lungs will grow in time. I'm not sure how fast the will grow though."

"Can I last until the baby is born?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Continuing with the oxygen and the bipap it is quite possible... but it really depends on the mets growth within that time frame." I nodded again.

"I just have one question."

"Of course."

"Is there any chance that my baby could be like me? Sick I mean." Dr. Maria took a breath.

"The chances of your child having cancer like you are... quite slim." I sighed in relief.

"But..." _There's always a but that ruins a sentence._

"Considering you are at least a month and a half or two months into your pregnancy, the baby has already been exposed to the treatment you've been given."

"Which means?"

"There may or may not be some complications." Dr. Maria said slowly. I swallowed a lump in my throat.

"What kind of complications?" I managed to get out.

"Hazel..."

"No sugar-coating."

"Miscarriage, birth defects, asphyxia and a couple of other terms that are rather depressing." Dr. Maria said. I nodded slowly while trying to keep my hands from shaking. Dr. Maria took my hand.

"I've learned a thing or two in life Hazel." I looked Dr. Maria in the eyes.

"You can't give up hope. No matter where you go or what you do in life there will always be some setbacks. You just have to keep hoping for the best and never give up." I smiled. _That could be a new encouragement in Gus's house._

"Someone I loved very much once told me the world is not exactly a wish-granting factory." I looked out the window where the sunlight was streaming in. I pretended Gus's ghost was looking at me and smiling that crooked smile of his.

"But I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up and it is my duty and privilege to reach the top."

Dr. Maria smiled. She gave me one last hug before I left.

"I'll put you down for an ultra sound appointment next month with me." She said.

"Thanks you for everything Dr. Maria." I said.

"Take care Hazel. I'll see you in a month."

* * *

**Hazel**

As I'm coming out of the hospital, my phone buzzes.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's Isaac."

"Hey."

"How'd it go with the Doctor?"

"Oh you know as well as it can get. Telling the Doctor that I've decided I no longer want suffer person-hood is always the cherry on top of it all." I said sarcastically.

"You sound upset."

"A little."

"Maybe talk about it?" I stopped just in front of the car with my hand on the door.

"Come see Augustus with me."

"What?"

"Please. I don't want to go alone." Isaac sighed.

"Okay but I kinda don't have a ride."

"We'll come get you. Be there in twenty minutes."

"Okay. See you in a bit."

I snapped my phone shut and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Can we see Gus?" My mom nodded.

"Of course sweetie."

"We have to make a few stops first."

* * *

**Hazel**

Twenty-five minutes later I know on Isaac's front door.

"Good day Hazel." Isaac said cheerily when he opened the door.

"Isaac." I said with a curtsy. I reached for his arm and led him to the car. We drove Gus's grave in silence. I haven't visited Gus since the time I came with my parents after our family picnic. My mom parked next to the side walk just down the hill from his grave.

"I'll give you two some time alone with him. Say hello to Gus for me." My mom said. I jumped out of the car taking ridiculously orange tulips and a brown paper bag lined paper out of the front seat. I put Isaac's hand on my arm and we walked up towards his grave.

"I haven't been here since the funeral." Isaac said.

"He's probably mad I haven't visited him yet." He said quietly as if Gus could hear him. I smiled.

"Most likely."

We reached his grave. On the headstone it said '_Augustus Waters 1995-2012 Lost but never forgotten'. _I sniffed.

"Hey Gus." I said.

"It's your Hazel Grace here."

"And your Isaac." I smiled and squeezed Isaac's hand.

"Look." I reached into the paper bag and pulled out a pack of camel light cigarettes.

"Got you some more. Just in case." I placed the pack of cigarettes and the orange tulips in front of his grave.

"I-we just want to say that we miss you." I said.

"And your suicidal gaming skills." Isaac added.

"Can't forget those."

"Seriously those school children are nothing with August Waters the Max Mayhem extraordinaire."

"Yep. Nothing is the same without you." I said.

"I'm pregnant Gus." I say quietly.

"And I am so scared." I look down at the gravestone.

"I gave up treatment today which means I won't be on this earth any more..."

"I think I'm doing this because I want to be able to leave a mark in this world. You know? Kinda like what you did for me. Or maybe it's because this little person inside of me..." I look down and touch my stomach.

"This... little infinity we've created can do so much and be so much more." I smiled sadly.

"I'm still scared and I will miss everyone here but the thought of being in that capital 'S' somewhere with you, drinking champagne and reading AIA makes me happy. Beyond happy."

"So make sure you have a nice spot up there for me. I'll be joining you soon." I said with a smile.

"I love you Augustus Waters. Present tense. Okay?"

Isaac sniffed.

"Who's gonna yell at the video game with me now?" Isaac asked sadly. I pulled Isaac in for a hug and we stood there with Gus as the sun slowly set in the sky.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I am so sorry this chapter took so long. Its been a crazy week with work and school. anyway here is chapter 4. hope you all enjoy it. I know the last chapter was a little sad (I'm sorry I destroyed your feels!) but i promise there are some fun scenes coming up. story good so far? thanks for following and all your support. please comment let me know what you guys think of this chapter. enjoy!:)**

**-hazelgrace95**

Chapter 2

**Hazel**

The next couple of weeks were difficult. Turns out coming off the Phalaxinfor wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be. My everything hurt. Hurt to breathe. Hurt to think. Hurt to live. But I would always think of our child. It was growing inside of me and it needs to have a life.

I sat around watching re-runs of America's Next Top Model and re-reading An Imperial Affliction. Kind of like the day I made the acquaintance of Gus. I wasn't depressed. I felt... empty. I missed Gus so much. I craved the sound of his voice. His hands in mine. His lips against mine. I couldn't cry any more. There was no point in shedding tears because the tears would never bring him back.

On one particularly un-exciting day, my mom came into my room and threw some of my clothes onto my bed. I pause ANTM and shut my laptop.

"Is there a special foreign holiday that I should know about?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Okay then I will go back to ANTM." I opened my laptop only to have it shut by my mom.

"It's support group today." I groaned. It had become harder for me to attend that hideous support since the last time I went which was just after Gus had died.

"I don't need a support group mom." I said.

"What if a blind guy asks you nicely?" I looked up from ANTM to see Isaac standing in my bedroom doorway.

"Why do you insist on attending that heinous support group?" I snapped. I didn't mean to to sound... well... bitchy but that's the way it came out. I winced at my harsh words.

"Cause Just Hazel." I suddenly flashed back to the day I met Gus. When I introduced myself as Just Hazel to his parents.

"It helps to talk. Even when you don't want to." I sighed.

"Fine." I said. I placed my laptop on my bed and grabbed the clothes my mom threw on my lap.

"Let's go listen to Patrick re-tell yet another balls-lessness story."

* * *

**Hazel**

I sat next to Isaac in a pathetically small pre-school chair as we listened to Patrick tell yet another story about how cancer took his balls away. I looked around at our ever-changing support group members. We all sat down staring morosely at the ground. All probably wondering the same thing. _When will it be my last day?_ Support group is depressing as hell.

"Hazel?"

"Hmm?"

"How are you doing?" I looked around at our sad looking group.

"Oh I'm grand. Besides dying every second of the day, losing my boyfriend and the freaking cancer I am absolutely grand. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up my friend." I said cheerily. Patrick nodded.

"You sound angry Hazel." And I realized I was angry. _Why was I diagnosed with cancer? Why did Gus have to die? Why? Why? Why?_

"Why is life so hard?" I asked. Patrick sighed.

"There are always hardships in life Hazel. We just have to accept the things we can't change and move on to the things we can change." For once, Patrick said something really great. I can't change the fact that I have cancer. I thought back to the night of the broken trophies at Gus's house. I remember Isaac bawling his eyes (well at the time eye) out and Gus playing Counterinsergence 2: The Price of Dawn. After he had saved the pixelized schoolchildren he had said that giving up his life (obviously in the game at the time) had bought those kids a minute or and hour or even a year.

I have known since I was diagnosed that I was a grenade waiting to explode at any point in time but giving my life to my child would buy it some precious time. I smiled a little at the thought. Gus would be proud that I'm going at this like Max Mayhem.

"Isaac? How are you doing?"

"I'm doing a lot better." He said. Isaac took a deep breath.

"It's still taking time being a blind man 24/7 but I've realized that life is precious and being blind is something I can cope with." Right then and there I realized I really hadn't been there for Isaac like I should have been. Yes, after Gus died I took it hard but so did Isaac.

"I miss my best guy Gus. I always feel like he's judging me in ghost form though. He's probably saying something like 'That's what the blind guy said'. Something like that."

"I just hope that if Gus is listening in right now on this conversation I hope that he knows he is greatly missed. Also that I'm trying to beat his high score in shooting range for Counterinsergence 2." I smiled.

"I'm also trying to deal with the fact that I'm losing another friend." Isaac said. I reached for his hand and squeezed tightly.

"I just want you to know Hazel that in the last couple of months you have been the best friend a ridiculously good-looking blind guy could ask for. I'm glad you're in my life and I want you to know that you will be missed."

Let me just say that one day of support group was actually bearable.

* * *

**Hazel**

_Beep! Beep!_

I groan and look at my clock. 10am. My ultrasound is in an hour and a half. I groan and roll over to my side. I am now officially four months pregnant. I slowly get out of bed. My chest felt tight. I un-hooked myself from the bipap and got myself an oxygen tank. My stomach was starting to get a little bigger. It looked like I had a food baby rather than an actual baby.

Someone knocked on my door softly.

"Hazel?"

"Come in." My voice came out raspy as if I were sick. My peeked her head in from behind the door.

"Isaac is being dropped of in forty-five minutes. You better call Kaitlyn to let her know we'll pick her up soon."

"Okay." My closed the door and I grabbed my phone from my purse and called Kaitlyn. Even texting took effort now.

"Hey it's Hazel."

"Good morning deary. How are you feeling?" After that day at support group with Isaac I started suffering from severe morning sickness, chest pains and headaches. I couldn't separate cancer pain from the pregnancy pain any more.

"Feeling a little better this morning. I'm just trying to make the best of it." I suddenly burst into a fit of coughing. My chest was hurting again. Kaitlyn winced on the other end of the phone.

"Oh Hazel." Kaitlyn whispered.

"I'm okay." I said after my fit was over. It had been a tough month for everyone. There were only so many days my parents could take off from their schooling and work. Kaitlyn had spent some time with me as well as Isaac.

"We should be there for you in about forty minutes or so." I said.

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit."

* * *

**Hazel**

My mom went up to knock on Kaitlyn's front door as I was too tired to and Isaac was well... blind. Kaitlyn opened the door and came into the car with my mom.

"Good day everyone!" She said cheerily. I smiled.

"Kaitlyn this is my friend Isaac. Isaac this is Kaitlyn." Isaac reached out for Kailtyn's hand but accidentally hit her in the face. I stifled a laugh. Kaitlyn seemed un-impressed.

"I am so sorry!" Isaac kept apologizing.

"It's fine. It's fine." Kaitlyn repeated over and over. Isaac kept going on. Kailtyn rolled her eyes and leaned forward.

"Is he always like this?" She whispered. Isaac kept talking, oblivious to the fact that Kailtyn wasn't even listening. I smiled.

"Pretty much."

The drive to Children's hospital was silent and stressful for me.

"We're here."

I looked at the hospital and took as much of a breath as I could. My mom squeezed my hand and turned my face towards hers.

"It's going to be okay." I smiled. I appreciated the reassurance.

_I hope just this once everything will be okay._

* * *

**_Hazel_**

I was lying on an extremely uncomfortable bed in a dull looking hospital dressing gown. My mom, Isaac and Kaitlynwere by my side.

"If it's a boy you should name it Dew Drop." Isaac said with a wide grin on his face.

"Are you high?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Why yes. On heroine." Isaac said with another goofy grin. Kaitlyn rolled her eyes.

"Honestly! Boys are so immature."

"Ha that's a laugh! Girls are crazy."

"Excuse me?"

"Guys." I said. Both Isaac and Kaitlyn looked at me.

"As much as I find this conversation entertaining, can you please shut up?" They both nodded not saying a word. I laid my head back and closed my eyes for just a second. The door opened.

"Hello everyone." Dr. Maria came into the room.

"Are we ready to see who's in there?" I swallowed a lump in my throat.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be." I managed to get out.

Dr. Maria nodded and started setting up for the ultrasound.

"This might be a little cold." Dr. Maria squirted some gooey looking gel on my exposed stomach. She took the ultrasound thingamajig and started moving it back and forth on my stomach.

"Alrighty." Dr. Maria moved the the ultra-sound thing slowly back and forth on my stomach. Suddenly, we could hear the sound of a heartbeat on the monitor. My mom gasped. A green shape appeared on the screen.

Isaac turned his head as if he could see the baby.

"Huh. It looks like... blackness. Oh right I can't see." He cracked a smile.

"Oh shut up would you?" Kaitlyn asked. Everyone was silent again. The only sound was the baby's heartbeat. Dr. Maria smiled.

"Strong heartbeat." I stared at the screen. Our little infinity. I smiled as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Want to know who's in there?" I nodded and wiped my tears away.

"It's a girl."

* * *

**Hazel**

I hadn't said anything since the ultra-sound. Isaac and Kaitlyn refused to leave my side so they both ended up lounging around my room with me. I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling.

"What's going on in their Hazel?" Kaitlyn asked. Kaitlyn sat on the floor next to my bed. She was playing nervously with her many bracelets on her wrist. Isaac sat at my desk.

"It's a girl." I said.

"Thanks for the confirmation. I totally thought the Doctor was lying about your kid's gender." Isaac said with a laugh.

"It's a girl." I said again quietly. Kaitlyn reached for my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Got a name in mind?" Yes. _A name that brought us together. _ I nodded.

"Anna."

* * *

**hope you guys liked that! chapter five will be coming shortly!:)**

**-hazelgrace95**


	5. Chapter 5

**SURPRISE! chapter 5 is here!:D i owe you guys after i made you wait so long for chapter 4. hope you guys like this one. comment please! hoping to get chapter 6 up soon. enjoy:)**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Hazel**

"Not questioning your name choice or anything but why Anna?" Isaac asked. We were sitting on bean bags at his house playing yep you guessed it, Counterinsurgence 2.

"Shoot the bad dude!" I said.

You have successfully eliminated the enemy.

"Pause." I looked over at Isaac.

"Because it's kind of a name that brought us together."

"It's from that book you guys liked huh? Imperial whatever." I laughed and tossed a pillow at Isaac.

"An Imperial Affliction and yes."

"Hmm it seems... fitting. Anna. I like it." I smiled. I felt better after finding out that so far Anna was okay.

"So have you told Gus's parents yet?" My smile disappeared. Right. Still gotta tell them.

"No not yet. I'll drop by tomorrow and tell them the news."

"Ha I wonder how that's going to go. Hey Mr. and Mrs. Waters! Just wanted to say I'm with child and it's your dead son's kid. Have a wonderful day!" I looked at my hands.

"How am I going to tell them?" I wondered out loud. Isaac shrugged his shoulders.

"Your problem."

"Will you come with me?" Isaac laughed out loud.

"You're serious?"

"Yes!"

"No way. It's going to end badly."

"It's not trust me. I just need someone to come with me. It'll help me tell them. Please Isaac?" Isaac groaned.

"Fine. But you owe me." I smiled.

"Deal."

* * *

**Hazel**

I knocked on the Water's front door. I had dressed nicely for the occasion. I was wearing my chuck taylors with jean capris, a blue tank top and grey cardigan. My hair decided to behave today, it was brushed back so I kind of looked mid 2000's Natalie Portman. Isaac was tapping his foot nervously on the front porch.

"Why are we nervous?" He whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" I asked. Isaac shrugged.

"Maybe we're nervous because the news might hurt them in a way." I said.

"Maybe." The front door opened.

"Hazel! Isaac! What a surprise." Mrs. Waters stepped out to give us both a hug.

"Please come in."

We stepped in the house. I looked at the familiar encouragements. Without pain, how could we feel joy? My heart ached for Gus's voice. Making fun of the many encouragements his parents hung in the house. Mrs. Water lead us into the kitchen where we found Mr. Waters working on dinner.

"Hazel, Isaac. How good to see you." He said.

"And nice not seeing you Mr. and Mrs. Waters." Isaac said jokingly.

"How are you?" Mrs. Waters asked.

"Blind." Isaac answered with a smile. I elbowed him in the rib cage.

"I'm well enough thanks." I answered.

"I hope you'll join us for dinner?"

"We'd love too." I said before Isaac could say anything. _I need to get it over with and fast_.

* * *

**Hazel**

"Thanks for veggifying everything for me Mr. Waters." I said as I took a bite from the wraps." _Nothing compared to white asparagus in Amsterdam but still edible._

"No problem at Hazel." Mr. Waters said.

"So how are your parents Hazel?" I sighed.

"Busy taking care of me unfortunately."

"And you Isaac?"

"Blind, no girlfriend and did I mention blind? Other than that I'm fantastic!" Mr. and Mrs. Waters looked at Isaac and then looked at each other. I laughed nervously.

"Isaac, such a joker huh?"

"And uh how are you guys doing." Mr. and Mrs. Water held hands which made me feel better.

"As well as can be expected. Every day is hard but we get through it. Augustus would have wanted that." I nodded and took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing._

"Listen, there's another reason I came here today." They both looked at me. _Holy shit._

"I'm pregnant." It was silent for a few minutes.

"Awkward." I kicked Isaac under the table.

"So-"

"It's Gus's. You're going to be grandparents."

Their faces looked... blank. Processing the information.

"Hazel..." Mrs. Water's voice was so small.

"It's a girl." I said while putting my hand on my stomach.

"I'm calling her Anna." Mr. and Mrs. Waters looked at each other again.

"But that means..."

"I'm giving up treatment." I said. Mrs. Waters put a hand to her mouth, tears slowly rolling down her face. _Just more people to add to my hurt list._

"I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry."

"Hazel you have nothing to be sorry about." Mr. Waters said. I looked up at both of them.

"You've done so much for us. More than you think." Mrs. Waters said.

"We thank god for you every day Hazel. You have changed our lives." I honestly don't how changed their lives exactly. I just dated their son for goodness sake. But I nodded without saying a word.

"Will you be there for her? Be in her life?" I asked. I was leaving my child in a world with no mom and no dad. I wanted to make sure she was surrounded by people I trusted.

"Of course Hazel. Of course we will." Mrs. Waters pulled me in for another hug.

I felt better inside knowing that I was going to leave my child with loving and caring people

* * *

**Hazel**

I sat in bed with a mountain of pillows behind me. Since the ultra-sound I've had a lot of lazy days. My dad was of course at work and my mom had an exam to study for so she could become a better Patrick. Kaitlyn had taken a day off from school to hang out with me.

"Oh did I mention I'm dating Liam Sheehan now?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Who?"

"The guy who called you toothless wonder in grade 3."

"Hmmm he was a jerk." I said.

"That and he's an immature five-year old. I'm gonna end it this week." There was a knock on the front door.

"Come in!" I shouted. The front door opened.

"Blind man entering the Lancaster residence!" Isaac called out. _Crash! Bang!_ Kaitlyn gasped.

"Blind man falling in the Lancaster residence." Kaitlyn and I walked to the front hallway where we found Isaac sprawled on the ground.

"That's gonna leave a mark on my sexy sexy body." Isaac groaned. Kaitlyn laughed.

"Wait you were serious?"

"Girl you do not know what's under these clothes." Kailtyn rolled her eyes. We both reached down and pulled Isaac to his feet.

"So what are you ladies up to?"

"Watching America's Next Top Model re-runs." Kaitlyn answered.

"Sounds like hell I better go." Isaac turned around and ended up face-planting the wall. Kaitlyn laughed out loud. Isaac groaned.

"And there goes my gorgeous face."

* * *

**Hazel**

"Can I ask you guys something?" We were all sitting in my room snacking on goldfish crackers and watching a movie on my laptop.

"Sure thing."

"You guys are easily my two best friends-"

"Pretty sure that's a statement not a question." Isaac said with a smile.

"I'm getting there!" I said while kicking him lightly on the leg.

"As I was saying, you guys are easily my two best friends and I want to make sure that when I'm gone Anna has some people looking after her."

"You're not asking us to adopt her are you? Cause me and her? No way." Kaitlyn looked at Isaac in disgust.

"Yeah so not happening."

"Guys please listen." The stayed silent.

"I just want you guys to make sure she turns out okay."

"Don't worry Hazel. I'll get Anna doing drugs in no time." Kaitlyn punched him and then looked at me with a smile smile on her face.

"Of course Hazel."

"Also I want you guys to be her godparents." I added quickly.

"Both of us?!"

"Yes."

"But-"

"If anything happens to my parents, you guys need to watch her." I said. They were silent again.

"I don't want her to grow and not know about her parents. I need you guys to tell her the story. Okay?" Isaac nodded.

"Okay." He said.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Isaac laughed quietly.

"Maybe okay will be our always."

* * *

**Hazel**

After Kaitlyn and Isaac left, I sat alone at my desk in my room. _I don't want Anna to grow up not knowing about her_ _parents. _I want to be able to leave her something. Like Gus did for me. I opened my drawer and took out the letter he had written. The one he left with Van Houten. _I like my choices. I hope she likes hers._

_I do Augustus. I do._

I grab a pen and a piece of paper.

_Dear Anna_

* * *

**_So many feels guys!:'( stay tuned for chapter 6!:)_**

**_-hazelgrace95_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! i am so sorry for this late chapter. it's been a hectic week with work and school going on. hope you guys liked the last chapter. good so far? well prepare for a roller coaster of feels folks. it's gonna be one bumpy ride! i know its difficult to see Hazel go through all this and in the end we all know what's going to happen:'( im really sorry for doing that to you guys. i dont want hazel to go but i know it has to be done:( but do not fret dear readers. no spoilers but there will be love some loss and some humour on the way:) I thank you all for being patient with the story. i have so much planned and i hope you all love it. it is my duty and privilege to ride this roller coaster of feels all the way to the top with you. happy reading!  
**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Isaac**

Hazel is now five months pregnant and things were getting tough. I may be blind but I could tell she was trying hard not to sound wek. She would try and be cheery and positive and then some days the pregnancy would affect her moods and she would be a downright brat. But she was so strong. I could never do what she's doing now. Well, if I was a girl of course.

I admired her for her strength and courage but I absolutely hated it. I hated it all. I didn't mind spending time with her every day but it hurt me inside because I knew deep down Hazel's days were numbered. Just like Gus's were. _Life is so unfair. Gus was right. The world is not exactly a wish-granting factory.__  
_

I was at home lounging on the couch.

"Hi Sweetie. I have to grab some groceries for dinner tonight. Is okay if Graham stays with you." I nodded slowly.

"Sure mom." I mumbled. My mom sighed. I heard the sounds of her footsteps walking closer.

"I know this thing with Hazel has been tough on you Isaac." She said while put her hand on my face.

"I know life isn't fair and that you lost Gus and now you're losing Hazel but things will get better. Trust me." _At least she didn't say you'll see like my nurse said after I got my eyes taken out._

"Thanks mom." I said. She kissed the top of my head.

"I'll be back in an hour and a half." And she was gone.

It was quiet. Someone walked into the room and sat on the couch beside me.

"It's the boogie man!" Graham said. I groaned.

"Go away or I'll kick your ass Graham." I laid down on the couch and out my face into the pillow.

"Look.."

"Gee I wish I could do that." I said sarcastically.

"Listen then." I sat up.

"I'm sorry about your friend." Graham said. My brother has been less of an ass-hole since my surgery. Maybe he's growing up a little.

"And I'm sorry about Gus too. He was nice to me. and he was really cool." I never really thought about how Gus had gotten along with my brother. I guess I never really paid attention.

"I'll miss Hazel too you know. She's not my friend I know but she's... special. You should try and enjoy the time you have left with her while you can. I think Gus would have wanted you to do that." For once, Graham said something sensible. As Graham got up to leave I snatched at his shirt.

"Thanks Graham." I could hear the smile spreading across his face.

"No problem big brother."

* * *

**Isaac**

The next day I woke to the sound of my phone ringing. Hazel Lancaster calling. My machine answered.

"Answer."

"Hello?"

"Get out of bed we're coming to get you." That was not Hazel.

"Who is this?" I asked. The person on the phone sighed in exasperation.

"Who do you think you blind geek?" I knew that voice.

"Jesus Kaitlyn I did not want to start my day by waking up to the sound of your annoying voice."

"Well jeez I didn't want to start my day by calling and getting your lazy ass out of the bed." Kaitlyn kind of annoyed me but I kind of enjoyed our daily arguments.

"Ugh just be ready in twenty minutes." And the phone went dead.

That girl will be the end of me.

* * *

**Hazel**

"There he is." Isaac stepped out his front door.

"Uh blind man needs assistance down the stairs please!" He shouted. I laughed quietly.

"Kailtyn can you help him out." Kaitlyn looked at me.

"You're kidding right?"I just looked at her with a small smile on my face. Kaitlyn rolled her eyes and groaned. She jumped out of the driver's seat and walked towards Isaac.

"Knight in shining armor is here." Kaitlyn said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Ha that's funny." Isaac said while taking her arm. They both climbed into the car.

"So what's in store for today?" Isaac asked.

"I thought I'd treat my future god-daughter to a shopping trip." Kaitlyn said as she drove out of Isaac's driveway. Isaac groaned.

"Baby shopping? Ugh seriously."

"Don't make me kick your blind ass out of this car." Kaitlyn said.

"Shutting up."

* * *

**Hazel**

"Babies R Us. The king of baby stores." Kaitlyn said triumphantly. I slowly got out of the car while taking slow deep breaths. My chest felt tight as if my heart was working to hard.

"I don't think I can walk." I said. It was pathetic. I sat in shotgun of the car, huffing and puffing in my seat. I took a quick peek at my reflection in the mirror. Pale skin and dark circles under my eyes. I had a lost weight and not in a good way.

Kaitlyn looked across the parking lot and smiled.

"I think I have an idea."

Couple of minutes later we were at the entrance of the store. I sat in a shopping cart with my knees to my chest. Kaitlyn was pushing while Isaac held the cart for guidance.

"Shall we begin our adventure?" Kaitlyn asked. I smiled.

"Yep." Isaac shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever."

"Gosh Isaac stop being so teenagery!" And Kaitlyn raced down the aisle leaving Isaac behind. I screamed in delight and put my arms out.

"I think the blind guy needs help!" Isaac called. Kaitlyn laughed and turned the cart around.

"We should buy you a bell and put it around your neck in case we lose you." Kaitlyn teased.

"Haha very funny." I looked between the two of them and smiled. _I hope they stay close when I'm gone. Someone needs to be there for Isaac._

"How are we going to do this then? I'm not going on a leash or anything." Isaac said. Kaitlyn had an evil grin on her face.

"I have another fabulous idea." Isaac groaned.

"Does it involve killing the blind guy?"

"Possibly." Isaac swallowed nervously.

* * *

**Isaac**

_This girl is insane. Literally insane!_ I held the skipping rope Kaitlyn handed me nervously in my hands. I was balancing on a skateboard. _I'm going to die at the age of seventeen._

"Are you sure this is safe?" I called out. I heard footsteps walk towards. Someone held my hands.

"You'll be fine! I thought guys were risk taker or something." Kaitlyn said.

"Not when their life is on the line." Her hands felt nice in mine. Smooth and gentle.

"Your hands are really warm." I said. Kaitlyn let out and exasperated sigh and let my hands go.

"Just be ready." She said as she walked away. _Well, that was weird._ I gripped the skipping rope and tensed my body up.

"Ready?" Kaitlyn called out.

"No!"

"GO!"

"Holy shit!" I surged forwards. I could could here Hazel and Kaitlyn screaming out with delight. I missed seeing the world. I missed all the beauty but in that moment I was really thankful I coul still hear. We probably looked like a crazy group of three kids doing some weird shit in a baby store but I didn't care. It was a good day.

* * *

**Hazel**

I slowly opened my eyes to find sunlight streaming into my room. I felt like hell. Everything hurt. I looked at my clock. 5:02pm. I was about to call for my mom when I remember she was busy with work stuff today. I was home alone. I threw my blankets off. _ You're not completely hopeless. You can do things for yourself._

I slowly got dressed, wincing at every movement. I wonder if this was the way Gus felt when he got sick again. I couldn't stay in bed all day. I was tired of just lying around waiting to die. I need to do something. I looked at the clock again. Support group starts in hour. _I have nothing better to do._ I grabbed my purse and shuffled out of the room.

_Went to support group. Be home soon._

_Love_

_-H_

I left the note in case my parents came home when I was gone. Just as I was out the door the phone rang. I groaned. Probably my mom checking in on me.

"Hello?"

"Hey Hazel." It was Kaitlyn.

"Oh. Hey what's up?"

"Want to go out or something."

"I was heading to support group actually."

"Sounds exciting. I will join you." That annoyed me. I wanted to be able to do something on my own. I didn't need a babysitter.

"Fine." I said un-enthusiastically.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes to get you."

"Okay."

* * *

**Hazel**

"You're not going to like it at all." I said. I was a little annoyed that Kaitlyn felt like she had to babysit me.

"No you it sounds amazing! I bet I'm going to love it." She was just coming along to make sure I was okay. I understood how Gus felt when he went to get cigarettes on his own. He didn't want to let his disease make him useless. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Suit yourself. It's an absolutely hideous support group."

"Then how come you're going?" Kaitlyn asked.

"I just need to get out of the house." I answered. I lead the way down too the Literal Heart of Jesus. The sight was pitiful. About twelve kids were sitting around making small talk and eating crappy store bought cookies.

"See? Looks great!" Kaitlyn said with a smile. I rolled my eyes.

Patrick called the meeting in session and everyone took their seat in a pathetically small preschool chair. We recited our usually welcome remarks and then we started with the support part of it.

"And what is your name?" Patrick asked looking at Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn looked around our circle.

"Uh my name is Kaitlyn. I'm friends with Hazel."

"And how are you doing today?"

"Pretty good."

"How are you handling Hazel situation?" Kaitlyn looked at me and took a deep breath.

"It's been a hard time to be honest." Patrick nodded.

"Go on." Kailtyn looked at me again.

"I hate seeing Hazel go through this. I've realized that she is my best friend and I'm not ready for her to leave yet. I need her." I swallowed a lump in my throat. Tears pooled in Kaitlyn's eyes.

"She's been battling this for so long and now her fight is almost over... I'm just not ready for that. I want to help her. I don't want her to exhaust herself or anything I just-"

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." I said.

"I know Hazel but you've been fighting for so long and-"

"Is that all I'm going to be remembered for? Fighting cancer? I'm not fighting cancer. I fighting myself. My cancer is made of me!" I was suddenly angry. Everyone thought that just because I had cancer I needed help with everything.

"I don't need your pity!" Kaitlyn looked at me in shock.

"Hazel-"

"No! Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I'm useless. I'm not just Hazel the girl with cancer or Hazel the girl who can't do anything for herself. No. I'm Hazel. Just Hazel." I stood up and marched towards the stairs. I felt a little light-headed and my chest was hurting but I ignored the pain. I was halfway up the stairs when Kaitlyn caught up to me.

"Hazel! Hazel please listen to me." I turned to look down at her.

"Let me explain-"

"No. That is clearly what you think of me. All I am capable of is having cancer. You don't have to watch me all the time. I can do this."

"I know darling. I know you can. I just want to be there for you. I don't want you to be alone." I sighed. I couldn't look at her right now.

"Look. Let's just go home." I said. When I turned around I suddenly got really dizzy. The earth spun at my feet. The pain in my chest felt as if some fat person was standing on it.

"Hazel?" The world dimmed. _This is it is it? _Kaitlyn's face was blurry in my vision._ No! I'm not done yet. I can't._

"Hazel!" I felt myself fall forwards, down the stairs. I heard a scream. Probably Kaitlyn.

"Call the ambulance!" My vision got dark and then... nothing

* * *

**Sorry for that! comments please. stay tuned for the next chapter:)**

**-hazelgrace95**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all your support on this journey. I'm really sorry this chapter is late. It's been another crazy week. Anyone excited to see the TFIOS movie next friday?! (well at least it opens here in Canada next friday;) I CANNOT WAIT! So here is chapter 7. sorry about that little cliffie i left you guys. super mean of me:( hope you like this one!**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Isaac**

I had been out all day with my family. We had gone to the movies then went to dinner and just hung out. It had been nice. I knew Hazel had been a lone today but I hadn't spent much time with my family. They needed me as well. I was pretty tired. My phone started ringing at around 8pm. _Too tired right now. It can_ _wait. _Then it stopped ringing. _Ahh peace and quiet. _The phone started ringing again and this time it seemed louder. I groaned.

"Alright alright I'm coming." I sat up.

Hazel's annoying friend calling.

"Answer."

I heard sobbing on the other end. I sat up.

"Kaityn?"

"Isaac." She sobbed.

"What's wrong?" More sobbing.

"It's Hazel."

"I'm coming."

* * *

**Isaac**

My mom was driving to Children's hospital as I was talking to Kaitlyn on the phone. She was in shock.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know! We were at support group and she was upset and she just collapsed!" Kaitlyn said.

"How is she?"

"I don't know. She's in the ER. Her parents are on the way." My heart was racing. I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters but I would also dislike living in a world without Hazel Grace Lancaster.

"It's... it's going to be okay Kaitlyn. I promise." I thought back to the time I was broken up about Monica. Hazel said something that made me regret my promise to Kaitlyn. Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making. Maybe it's an empty promise but it was the only comfort I could give Kaitlyn.

"Okay?" I said. Kaitlyn sniffled.

"Okay."

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

They wouldn't tell me anything. The stupid doctors. I could see them rushing in and out of the room Hazel was in. I sat in the waiting room wringing my wrists. _Where are you Isaac?_ I hear a lot of beeping sounds. More doctors rushing in out. I ran my hand through my hair. My eyes felt swollen from all the crying. _Don't go Hazel. Don't go don't go don't go._

"Kaitlyn!"I looked to see Isaac being lead into the hospital by his mom. More tears came. I stood up and ran to Isaac._  
_

"Woah!" I hugged him tightly. He rubbed my back.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay." He whispered. I held him and I didn't want to let. I liked the feeling of his skinny arms around me. He was only a little taller than me which I liked.

"You can't make promises you can't keep you blind jerk." I whispered. He rubbed the back of my head and I closed my eyes.

"I know but it's a little comforting." He whispered back. We both sat down in the waiting room while doctors passed us telling us nothing.

"I hate this." I said. Isaac nodded.

"The disadvantages of being a sick kid." I sighed.

"I just want to know what's going on!" I sat there with my foot tapping the ground. Isaac's mom came back with some coffee for both of us. The emergency room doors opened and Hazel's parents came in.

"Kaitlyn! Isaac!" They looked frazzled. I guess that's what most parents of sick kids look like.

A doctor noticed Hazel's parents come in and she came over.

"Dr. Maria, how is she?"

"Yeah and why didn't you come out and tell me what's going on?! I'm freaking out!" I said. The doctor sighed.

"Hazel is stable but her she is weak. The pregnancy and the loss of Phalaxinfor have taken a toll on her body." I nodded pretending I understood every word that came out of her mouth.

"Okay enough with the medical talk can we see her?" Isaac asked.

"She needs her rest. Only family is allowed in for now." I was ready to break down. Hazel scared me half to death and now the stupid doctor wouldn't let me see my best friend.

"But-"

"Kaitlyn. It's okay." Isaac reach for my shoulder but accidentally pulled on my hair.

"Sorry." But I didn't care. I wanted to see Hazel.

"What about the baby?" I asked. Everyone looked at Dr. what's her name.

"It's to soon to tell..." She said slowly. I did not like the sound of that.

"Is she okay or not?" I asked point blank.

"Hazel had a pretty big fall..."

"Is she okay?!"

"We will do an ultra-sound as soon as possible." And then the doctor left. I was trying to take slow deep breaths.

"You guys should head home. We'll be here. We'll call when she wakes up." Mrs. Lancaster said.

I nodded not saying anything.

Isaac pulled me away and we walked out of the hospital.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah fantastic. I just watched my best friend almost die and now I don't know if my god-child is going to live. Yeah I'm great." I said trying really hard not to cry again.

"Would you feel better if we stayed here?" Isaac asked. I nodded but then realized he couldn't see it.

"Yeah. Yeah I would." Isaac nodded.

"Hey mom. I'm going to stay here overnight with Kaitlyn." I felt better knowing I wouldn't be alone in the creepy hospital. After Isaac's mom left we went back in the hospital. I didn't see Hazel's parents in the waiting room. They were probably in her room.

"And now we wait." Isaac said.

"And now we wait." I repeated. I led Isaac to the chairs and we both sat down.

"I don't want her to go." I whispered. Isaac nodded.

"Life would be pretty boring without Hazel Grace Lancaster."

"She un-bores everything." I said.

"All true." Isaac said. I was crying again.

"But it won't happen." I cried.

"She going to die and I'm going to be alone." Tears streamed down my face. This time when Isaac reached for my hand he actually got it. I looked at his giant black glasses.

"You'll have me." I laughed a small laugh.

"You know, you're not as stupid as I thought you were." Isaac smiled.

"And you're not as bitchy as I thought you were." I laughed.

"Think we can be friends now?" Isaac asked.

"Hmmm maybe."

"I'll take that as a yes." Isaac bumped my shoulder. I bumped him back and then rested my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks." I whispered.

"For what?"

"For you know, not being a jerk during my moment of weakness." I said. I could feel his laugh go through his body.

"No problem at all." We both sat quietly in the waiting room. Isaac resting his head against the wall and me against his bony shoulder. And I thought to myself. _Maybe I could be friends with Isaac after all._

* * *

**Pheww close one! comment and let me know what you think. stay tuned for chapter 8!**

**-hazelgrace95**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone! chapter 8 is here! hope you liked the last chapter. I had a lot of fun writing the Isaac and Kaitlyn scenes. you guys see something going on there?;) no spoilers! So last we checked Hazel had an accident and we do not yet know the result of her fall. So much suspense! Thanks so much to everyone who's commented. You guys are amazing!:) again the more comment and feedback I get the better this story will be. Thanks so much again and happy reading!:)**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Isaac**

"Isaac? Isaac wake up."

"Wh-what?" I said groggily. _Where am I? _Then I remembered. Hazel. She fell. The baby.

"Is Hazel okay?"

"She's still sleeping." I tried to figure who's voice was speaking. It was Hazel's mom. Her voice sounded so broken as if she already lost Hazel. _Well, she will. Eventually._

"You and Kaitlyn didn't have to stay." Mrs. Lancaster whispered.

"We wanted to." I felt Kaitlyn stir in her sleep next to me.

"You're allowed to see Hazel now. Well... in your case... not see." Mrs. Lancaster said awkwardly. It usually pissed me off when people punned my disability but today I'll make an exception.

"Don't worry about it Mrs. L. Just let me wake Kaitlyn up."

"Okay." I could hear Mrs. Lancaster walk a few steps away. I nudged Kaitlyn with my shoulder.

"Hey. Wake up." Kaitlyn groaned and yawned.

"Woah! Bad morning breath much?"

"Speak for yourself." Kaitlyn mumbled.

"Not a morning person huh?"

"Gee how'd you guess." I laughed.

"We can see Hazel now."

"Well you can't..." Kaitlyn teased. Now if another person had said that I probably would have gone all Max Mayhem on their ass but when Kaitlyn made fun of me I found it... entertaining.

"What is it pick on the blind guy day?" Kaitlyn sighed in exasperation.

"Let's just go see Hazel."

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

I took Isaac's arm and we were lead by Mrs. Lancaster to Hazel's room. In the time since Hazel's collapse Mrs. Lancaster looked... well dead. She had dark circles under her eyes and her clothes were wrinkly from sleeping in them. She kinda walked like a zombie towards Hazel's room.

"She hasn't woken up yet. Doctor Maria said she'll hopefully wake up this afternoon." Mrs. Lancaster said. She opened a door to our right and inside was Mr. Lancaster sitting next to a deathly still Hazel. Mr. Lancaster looked just as bad as Mrs. Lancaster. Hazel on the other hand looked so small and fragile on that huge hospital bed. Her hair was as messy as ever. There were a bunch of machines beeping around her. It made me hurt deep inside to see this. It made think I was never really there for Hazel all those years. I was never truly her friend. _That will change. I'll make sure of it._

"Is she okay?" I shook myself out of my stupor.

"Yeah, she looks okay." I said in a shaky voice.

"Can we sit next to her?"

"Yeah." Mr. Lancaster got out of his seat and got another for me. We both sat down next to Hazel's bedside. I hate the sight of her looking so broken.

"Can she hear us?" Isaac asked.

"Talking to her always helps." Mrs. Lancaster said quietly. I looked back at Hazel. I tried to say something to my unconscious friend but no words came to my lips. I shook my head. Tears threatening to fall. I took Isaac's hand.

"I can't do this." I whispered. Isaac nodded.

"Hey Hazel." Isaac whispered. I looked at Hazel again. Hoping she'd respond in her normal cheery voice but she did not move.

"We're here. We're here with you. Me and Kaitlyn. You really scared us." Isaac reached forwards and squeezed Hazel's lifeless hand.

"Please wake up Hazel. We're not ready to lose you. Not yet. Please pull through this Hazel. Fight it. Fight for Anna. Fight for Gus." Hazel lay still. My lower lip trembled. Isaac squeezed my hand and we just sat there with our friend.

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

We stayed there for hours. She still didn't wake up. Mr and Mrs. Lancaster went to get some coffee (from the looks of it they really needed it. Isaac and sat quietly next to Hazel's bedside. It was painfully quiet. I wanted to break the silence but at the same time I didn't want to disturb Hazel's sleep.

"This sucks." Isaac whispered.

"Indeed." I whispered back.

"She's gonna get through this. You know that, right?"

"I know she will." I said.

"It's just..."

"It's just what?" I sighed.

"I've been a terrible friend." I whispered.

"Why?"

"I haven't been there for her." A tear rolled down my cheek.

"She's been going through hell for the past few years and I never stopped to think about her needs. She was always there for me when I had stupid boy problems but my problems were nothing compared to hers." I cried.

"I'm so selfish." I put my face in my hands and cried silently.

"Hey, hey. Shhh." Isaac gently wrapped his arms around me and gave me a comforting hug. I'm not a hugger. I wasn't the type of girl who accepted hand holding or hugs but Isaac's hug made me feel... safe and warm. I liked the way his skinny arms wrapped around me and held me tight. Protecting me from pain.

"You are not a terrible friend Kaitlyn." Isaac whispered.

"Hazel has chosen to accept your annoying and sometimes bitchy manner and she made you her friend." I laughed through my tears. I put my head against his shoulder and he just held me. It was the best feeling in the world.

* * *

**Isaac**

At the end of the day my mom came to get me so I could go home and clean up. Kaitlyn had been reluctant to leave Hazel's side but agreed she needed some down time. After Kaitlyn had gone home to clean up she came over to my house to hang out.

"Thanks for letting me come over." Kaitlyn said nervously.

"No problem." When Kaitlyn came into my house the scent of her perfume filled the room. Vanilla. It smelled amazing. Her voice also sounded soft. Not the usual screechy annoying voice. I sometimes wondered what she looked like.

"Hear anything from the Lancasters?"

"No nothing yet. We just have to be patient." I laughed.

"What?"

"You just don't strike me as the patient type." I chuckled.

"Hmm guess that's true." Kaitlyn sighed.

"I really do hate waiting. I need a distraction."

"How about I teach you to play some blind man video games?"

"It's certainly not the worst idea I've heard." Kaitlyn said.

"Alrighty then."

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

This was fairly complicated. The screen was blank and Isaac and I were just talking to the machine. A stupid machine. _I can't believe I agreed to this._ Thank god Isaac can't see me rolling my eyes.

"Scan the area." Isaac commanded.

You scan the area. You see an enemy running towards you.

"Throw knife at the bad guy." I said.

You throw the knife and successfully behead the enemy. Isaac's mouth is slightly agape.

"And that's how you take down the bad guys!" I screamed in triumph. I looked at Isaac and laughed out loud, his mouth was still wide open.

"What? Shocked a girl just kicked your ass in blind man video games?"

"Beginner's luck." Isaac grumbled.

"Come on let's go at it again!" I said. I was thrilled I could kick his blind ass in video games.

"Let's take a break..." I laughed.

"Okay don't admit it. That's fine. It'll stay between us okay? I won't tell your friends you just got your ass handed to you in video games." Isaac grumbled again.

"Hey kids. Got you some food." Isaac's mom came in with a plate full of neatly cut sandwiches.

"Thanks Mrs-."

"Please call me Catherine." Isaac's mom said. I nodded.

"Thanks." She nodded with a small smile on her face. I took a sandwich from the plate while at the same time checking my phone.

"Still no update." I groaned.

"She'll be soon." Isaac said with a mouth full of food.

"Gross! Can guys be any more disgusting?" Isaac was about to say something smart ass back when his phone rang.

Mrs. Lan-

"Answer!" We both shouted.

"Hazel is awake."

* * *

**A bit of a cliffie there. Hang in there! Chapter 9 will be up shortly.**

**-hazelgrace95**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello dear readers! Here is chapter 9. Hoped you guys liked the Isaac/Kaitlyn scenes. I love writing Kaitlyn's character:) she is so feisty and sometimes a pain in the ass but she's a great character to this story. To kind of re-cap the last chapter. Isaac and Kaitlyn were taking some down time when they got the call from Hazel's mom saying that she is finally awake. It's been about a day or two since the accident. We haven't found out what's wrong with Anna yet. Are we ready to find out? Get ready! comments and feedback please and thank you:) **

**happy reading!**

**-hazelgrace95**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**Hazel**

"Hazel Grace." I knew that voice. That sexy voice. I opened my eyes. I was standing next to a canal in Amsterdam. On my left was the restaurant Oranjee and in front of me was my lanky beautiful Augustus Waters.

"Gus." I sighed. And then I realized. I don't have my oxygen tank with me. I reached for my face. No nubbins. Gus smiled.

"You look ravishing Hazel Grace." I looked down. I was wearing the same sundress I wore to our dinner in Oranjee. Gus was wearing the same suit he wore to our dinner. The same he was buried in.

"Am I dead?" Gus shook his head.

"No. You're... trying to decide." He said. He gestured toward a table. Our table at Oranjee. There were glasses of champagne on the table.

"Care for some stars?" I smiled. Tears close to pouring down my face. I sat down and Gus poured me some stars.

"So... Anna huh?" I nodded.

"I thought it was fitting." Gus nodded with a smile.

"If it had been a boy I would of named him Max Mayhem." I laughed. We took a sip of the stars. Crisp and delicious. Just like it was in Amsterdam.

"If this is what capital "S" something is like then I love it." I said. Gus nodded with a small smile on his face. He was hiding something.

"What is it?" I asked. Gus took a deep breath.

"Don't get me wrong Hazel Grace. I have missed you... so much. Not a day goes by that I don't see your face, think about you, want to feel you against me. I love you present tense Hazel and I want you to stay with me right now..."

"But I can't..." I whispered. Gus shook his head.

"You said you'd leave you mark..." He whispered.

"You need to wake up. For Anna." He said. I nodded. I understood. I promised I'd do this for Anna. I had to. I let the tears fall onto the table.

"Hey." Gus whispered. He stroke my face and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I closed my eyes.

"Hazel Grace." I opened them. Gus was right next to me. He reached for my hand and pulled me into his arms and just held me. I had wanted this feeling so badly. To have his arms wrapped around me. To smell him again. To feel him again.

"I miss you so much." I whispered. I felt him nod.

"And I miss you. It's pretty boring in capital "S" something without my Hazel Grace." Gus took my face in his hands. We stared into each others movies. His beautiful blue eyes. I remember at his funeral when he was lying there with his eyes closed. Thinking I'd never see his eyes again. Do you ever just wish you could freeze a moment? A magical moment that would be with you forever? I wish I could freeze this moment. Right here, right now.

"You're not done down there. Not yet." He whispered. Gus was right. I still had to leave my mark. And then Gus leaned down and kissed me. It was rushed, it was soft and kind of amazing. Like that kiss in the Anne Frank House. I could breathe. Really breathe. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. It felt like the longest kiss in the world and I wish it could have been but... all good things have to end.

I put my head against his head.

"I love you Hazel Grace, present tense."

"I love you Augustus Waters, present tense." I could hear him smile his famous crooked smile.

"Wake up."

* * *

**Hazel**

I woke up not knowing where the hell I was. I hate that. I hate looking around in a confused stupor. And then I remembered support group and someone screaming my name._ I fell._ I was in the hospital. I tried to sit up but I was pulled back by an IV.

"Hazel!" My parents literally flew into the room and hugged me. I felt a little sore but other than that I was fine.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine mom." My voice came out in a croak.

"I'll get you some water and I'll call Isaac and Kaitlyn. They were worried sick." My mom left the room leaving me alone with my dad. He looked like he was ready to bawl his eyes out.

"I'm fine dad. Just tired." My dad nodded closing his mouth tight. He squeezed my hand and didn't say a word. Probably because if he did open his mouth he would literally disappear in a puddle of tears. My mom came back into the room.

"Kaitlyn and Isaac are on their way." She said. I nodded and took the cup of water she handed to me.

"I can call Dr. Maria and-"

"I'm fine mom." I said my voice much clearer. Honest. I felt fine other than the stupid cancer pains which would unfortunately never leave my body.

"Are you sure Hazel?" I nodded.

"I fell..." My mom nodded.

"The pregnancy and the loss of your medication is really taking a toll on your body."

"Tumors?"

"Some growth since you gave up treatment." I nodded. It was going to happen eventually.

"What about Anna?" My parents gave each other a quick silent look. I hated the look. It meant 'we know what's going on but we prefer not to tell you' look. I looked at them.

"Well?"

"Hazel... you had quite a bit of a fall..." My mom said softly.

"I want Dr. Maria. I need to make sure Anna is okay." I said. I didn't care about the pain wracking through my body. All I wanted was to see if Anna was okay._ I can't let anything happen to her. _My nodded and went out the room to find Dr. Maria. I laid back on my bed.

_Please be okay._

* * *

**Hazel**

Both my parents had gone to get me something to eat. To be honest I just asked them to get me some food so I could have some quiet time. I heard someone running down the hall.

"Hazel!" Crash! Isaac had been dragged behind Kaitlyn and he smashed into the door frame. I winced.

"Are you trying to kill me woman?!" Kaitlyn punched him.

"So it is pick on the blind guy day." He grumbled.

"Oh shut up." Kaitlyn rushed to my side and hugged me.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Kaitlyn said. I hugged her back and smiled. Kaitlyn stepped back.

"Okay first off, never do that to me! You scared the shit out of me. Second, I am so sorry I pissed you off during support group. Third, I freaking love you." She hugged me again. I realized that I really scared Kaitlyn.

"I'm sorry about all of that." I said. Kaitlyn nodded against my shoulder. Kaitlyn grabbed Isaac from where he was standing and pulled him into a seat next to her.

"How are you feeling?" Isaac asked.

"Well besides the cancer pain some pregnancy pain I feel fine. It's Anna I'm worried about." Kaitlyn nodded.

"They wouldn't tell us anything about Anna."

"I asked my Doctor for an ultra-sound so we'll find out soon enough." I said in a bit of a shaky voice. Kaitlyn took my hand and gave it a big squeeze.

"So, did I miss anything?" I asked looking between the two of them.

"Besides scaring the shit out of both of us? No you haven't missed much." Isaac said calmly. Kaitlyn rubbed my hands to get some life back into them. I was staring off into space.

"You okay Hazel?" I smiled.

"What?"

"It's just... I think Gus sent me back. I think he sent back to leave my mark." I whispered.

"What...?" And then Dr. Maria and my parents entered the room.

"Hazel." Dr. Maria swooped in and started checking my vitals.

"Well! You seem to be doing fine after the fall. There is some tumor-"

"I want to see Anna." I said. Dr. Maria stopped what she was doing.

"Hazel..."

"No sugar-coating." I said. It's like they were hiding something.

"I want to make sure she's okay. That's what Doctors do. They help their patients." I said. I was trying really hard not to get angry._ Why are they acting like this? Is there something wrong with Anna?_

"Hazel..." My mom said while reaching for my hand. I yanked my hand away.

"No! What are you not telling me?" And then it dawned on me.

"I didn't lose the baby did I?" Kaitlyn gasped. Dr. Maria shook her head.

"No. You still have Anna." I sighed in relief as did everyone else in the room.

"The baby did suffer some trauma from the fall the fall though." I swallowed nervously.

"Can I see her?" I asked. Dr. Maria nodded.

"I'll get the ultra-sound ready." And Dr. Maria left. Kaitlyn squeezed my hand.

"Doctors are so depressing." Isaac moaned.

"Agreed." Kaitlyn said nodding her head. I laid back and looked at the ceiling. I didn't lose Anna. But there might be something wrong. I was scared to find out but I needed to know. I needed to know Anna was okay.

"It'll be okay Hazel." Kaitlyn said. I nodded with a small smile on my face.

_Will it? Will it all be okay? I've learned the world is not exactly a wish-granting factory. _ I rubbed my stomach where Anna was. _Please be okay._

* * *

**And another cliffie. Sorry guys! more to come I promise:) So what did you think of this chapter? Comments and feedback please! stay tuned for chapter 10.**

**-hazelgrace95**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! Glad the chapters are to your liking:) I'm sorry about the short chapters. I'm trying to make them as long as I can but don't worry! The story will go on for a while;) So to recap the last chapter, Hazel woke up and found that Anna is in there but there might be something wrong. Are you guys ready to find out Anna's fate? So who's your favorite character in the story so far? I don't know about you guys I'm really enjoying getting into Kaitlyn's character some more. She's so much fun to write and I found in TFIOS we didn't know enough about her. Anyway, here is chapter 10. Thanks for all your recent comments! Let me know what you think of this chapter:) **

**-hazelgrace95**

**p.s and to answer megan's question, i usually update every week or so or whenever I'm free I get in front of the computer and type away. I always try my hardest get the chapters up quickly so i don't keep you guys waiting:) i hope to get chapter 11 up soon!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Kaitlyn**

I was wringing my wrists nervously. We all sat around Hazel's hospital bed anxiously waiting for Dr. whatever her name was to set up the god damn ultre-sound. I swear she was taking her sweet time. I was ready to snap at her but Hazel gave me a disapproving look that shut me up. I took slow deep breaths to calm myself down. Hazel took my hand and gave me a comforting squeeze. Even at times when Hazel is going through a lot of shit she is always there for others. I gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand back.

_It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay._ I said to myself.

"Alright then." The Doctor said. I rolled my eyes_. Took you long enough._

"Let's see how little Anna is doing." I swallowed nervously and looked and the blank monitor screen like everyone else. The Doctor rubbed the ultra-sound thingy back and forth on Hazel's exposed stomach. I remembered the day we first found out Anna was in there. I looked at Isaac who was patiently waiting to hear the results. I took his hand.

"Okay. Here were go." A shape of a baby appeared on the screen. I took in a shaky breath and I could feel Hazel and Isaac squeeze my hands tighter.

"Is she-" Isaac started to say.

"SHHHH!" I said. And I looked back at the screen, waiting for the stupid Doctor to share the results.

"Well...?" Hazel asked impatiently. I smiled a little._ I wonder if Anna will be like her mom._

"Anna is..."

"Oh my god just spit it out already!" Isaac and I said. The Doctor looked at us with an annoyed look on her face.

"Sorry." I said without really meaning it. The Doctor looked back at the screen.

"Anna is fine. Strong heartbeat too." The Doctor said. I sighed in relief as did Hazel and Isaac.

"There's a but isn't there?" Isaac asked. I looked at the Doctor.

"Well?"

"No buts. Anna is alive and well." Hazel looked suspicious.

"Not sugar-coating it are you?" She asked.

"No sugar-coating." The Doctor said with a smile.

_Thank god._

* * *

**Hazel**

_Anna is okay. She is alive and she is okay._ I couldn't help but think that somehow, Gus was making sure our child was safe. He really was watching over us.

Isaac and Kaitlyn came back into the room with some food. My parents had gone for a bit to take break from all the drama.

"So Kaitlyn and I were thinking we should celebrate." Isaac said. I shook my head and smiled.

"Guys there's really no need for that." I said. There really was no need for it at all. Anna was okay and that's all that really mattered. That's why Gus sent me back so I could save her.

"But Hazel-"

"It's okay guys. Honest." Kaitlyn nodded and the dropped the subject.

"So I know this is a touchy subject but did you like almost die or something?" Isaac asked. I thought about it. I didn't remeber muchafter the fall. I swear I had talked to Gus. My lanky beautiful Gus but thatwas impossible... he was gone. Right? And yet, I felt like someone was watching me from a capital "S" somewhere.

"I think Gus saved me." I whispered. Kaitlyn nodded, staying quiet.

"But I'm here right? I guess that's all that really matters. For Anna's sake."

* * *

**Isaac**

I had gone home thinking about what Hazel had said. About Gus saving her. I'm not the kind of person who believes in God or angels but I believe in an afterlife. Maybe Gus was there and maybe he did save Hazel. My brain wouldn't shut off so I called Kaitlyn.

"Hey."

"Hey." She sounded pretty tired from recent events.

"I'm sorry to wake you...I just can't sleep right now..." I trailed off.

"So you decided to call your dead best friend's girlfriend's friend who you find extremely annoying?"

"Wow you just made it sound really complicated." I said. She laughed on the other end.

"What's wrong Isaac?" Kaitlyn asked. I sighed.

"I just... I just want to be able to make Hazel's last few months here special. We were lucky she made it through this. Maybe Gus did save her. He sent her back cause she's not done. She hasn't completed her task. After she's done she'll be gone and- I just-" I struggled to get words out but none came.

"I know what you're trying to say." Kaitlyn said.

"I want Hazel to see everything before she... you know." Kaitlyn was quiet but I could hear her slow deep breaths. I sighed.

"The world is not exactly a wish-granting factory." I said.

"Unfortunately that is so." Kaitlyn said. I wish I could help Hazel. I wish I could make her healthy. I wish she could live and be happy. I wish... wish. I sat up straight.

"Holy shit!"

"What?! Did I say something?" Kaitlyn asked.

"I know what to do!"

"What the hell are you talking about Isaac?"

"Kaitlyn I gotta go. Come to my house first thing in the morning. I'll tell you then!"

"Wh-" I hung up. _Man she is going to give me hell for that. _But I didn't care. I knew what I could do for Hazel.

"Phone! Call the the Genie Foundation."

Calling.

"Genie Foundation, this is Karen. How may I help you?"

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

The next morning I drove to Isaac house just like he told me to do._ That boy just weirder and weirder._ Isaac had totally lost it last night when we spoke. _I wonder what's going on in that stupid little head of his. _I parked outside his house. I knocked on his front door and it was opened by a boy who looked like Isaac minus the big sunglasses.

"Hello. Who are you?" The boy asked. He looked about ten or so.

"I'm Kaitlyn. I'm a friend of Isaac's." I said.

"Are you his girlfriend?" He asked. I laughed out loud.

"Yeah no. Not in a million years." I said. The boy shrugged his shoulders and let me in.

"He's in the living room." I nodded.

"Thanks." And I walked into the living room. Isaac sat on the couch. He was wearing cargo short and a dark shirt. His massive glasses again covering 90% of his face.

"Hey nerd." I said sitting down next to him.

"Hey." He sounded tired, as if he hadn't slept all night.

"So what was with the breakdown last night?" I asked.

"I had an epiphany." He said.

"Ookay care to share this epiphany?" Isaac smiled.

"You know how Gus used his wish for Hazel? They went to Amsterdam."

"Yeah... so?"

"I have a wish from the Genie Foundation and I'm going to use it for Hazel."

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

I was so excited. I really couldn't contain it. Isaac and I discussed the wish he wanted to us for Hazel. I thought it was an amazing idea. Then and there I realized Isaac was a pretty awesome guy. We drove to Children's hospital. Both of us excited to share the news with Hazel. I parked the car in the parking lot outside the hospital.

"Ready?" Isaac asked.

"Ready." I grabbed the a brown bag from the middle console and I took Isaac's arm. I took a deep breath and walked towards the hospital.

It didn't surprise to find Mrs. Lancaster at Hazel's bedside. Hazel looked better. I mean she was still pale and she still looked tired but she had some life in her bright green eyes.

"Hey!" She said when we walked in. I smiled.

"Hey." I sat down and pulled Isaac into a seat. Isaac sighed in relief.

"Congratulations you did not lead me into a wall." I punched him lightly on the arm.

"Got you something." I pulled out a bottle of champagne from the brown paper bag. Hazel smiled.

"It's not from Amsterdam but it's good enough." Hazel laughed.

"Thank you." She said. We all drank the champagne from plain paper cups.

"Not the stars we tasted in Amsterdam but good enough." Hazel remarked. I couldn't contain anymore. I nudged Isaac. He cleared his throat.

"So Hazel... we have something to share with you." Both Mrs. Lancaster and Hazel looked at us.

"I-we want you to enjoy your last few months. We want to be able to do something for you."

"Guys-" Hazel started to say.

"Let him finish." I said. Isaac cleared his throat again.

"I wish you didn't have to go. I wish you had more time and I wish your weren't sick but unfortunately we've learned the world is not exactly a wish-granting factory." Hazel stayed quiet, looking at both me and Isaac.

"That's what I wish you had... more wishes."

"And I want you to have one... last... wish."

"Isaac..."

"I have a wish from the Genie Foundation. I talked to them."

"Isaac..."

"We want to take you to Amsterdam... one last time." Everyone was silent. It was an awkward silence. Mrs. Lancaster was staring at us in shock.

"Look, I appreciate the offer but-"

"Please accept Hazel." I said.

"It'd be the three of us! On an adventure." I said. Hazel looked at us, trying to decide what to say.

"There's no other way I'd rather spend my wish." Isaac said. And then Hazel smiled. Tears trickled down her face.

"Okay. Yes I'll go too Amsterdam with you guys."

* * *

**Hope you guys liked that!:) glad that Anna is safe and sound and that everyone is getting along. I thought i'd do something fun and answer any questions you guys have about the story. Ask me anything you want!:) I'll try and answer all your questions when i post the next chapter. Stay tuned for chapter 11!**

**-hazelgrace95**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! So I just want to apologize for the mistake I made in the last chapter. I re-read the chapter and realized Hazel was drinking alcohol while pregnant... BIG MISTAKE!:o so sorry about that guys. I'll re-write the chapter when I'm finished with the story. I've also had some trouble keeping everything close to the timeline from TFIOS. I'm really sorry if some things don't match up. Re-cap! Isaac and Kaitlyn feel like someone should finally do something for Hazel and guess what? The Genie Foundation has returned! Isaac gets a wish and they are taking Hazel to Amsterdam!:D Wonder what adventures await Kaitlyn, Isaac and Hazel:)**

**I also told you guys I'd answer any questions about the story or just any question in general. So this is for Megan!:) I'm 18 years old. I'd like to think I've read almost every book known to man but we all know that's kind of not possible. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a HUGE John Green fan. I basically worship his books:) yea I've read all of his books and I've read all of Cassandra Clare (Mortal Instruments), Suzanne Collins (Hunger Games), J.K Rowling (Harry Potter), Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson), Veronica Roth (Divergent Trilogy), Christopher Paolini (Eragon Series) and Stephen Chbosy (Perks of Being a Wallflower)... yea there's a lot more to list but it'll take a while! I'm actually in the process of writing a Divergent fanfic about Tris's mom. I want to focus on and finish Their Little Infinity before I start another fanfic though. Hope that's answered your questions! If you guys have any other questions please feel free to ask!:)**

**Last but not least, I've changed my pen name to Wallflower95. Just so you guys know! I won't keep you guys any longer. Enjoy the chapter!:)**

**-Wallflower95**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Hazel**

"No."

"Mom."

"Hazel."

Fighting. Arguing. That's what my life feels like right now. Fighting to live. Fighting for Anna. Fighting for Gus. Fighting... My mom wasn't in total agreement with the whole Amsterdam idea. Isaac had talked to the Genie Foundation and they were only allowing three people to go. Me, Kaitlyn and Isaac. I think my mom is afraid to sent me too Amsterdam and never see me again.

"Mom please-"

"Hazel, we don't take charity."

"It's not charity mom. It's Isaac and Kaitlyn." My mom ran her hand through her hair. She looked stressed out. I wish I could just take all of it away. All of that stress off her shoulders. I sighed. I put my head back on the hospital bed. I was dressed in baggy jeans and a bright yellow t-shirt that said Hectic Glow on it. Gus's favorite band. I had my oxygen tank at my side again. We were waiting for Dr. Maria to give us they okay to go home.

"I should go with you." My mom said.

"I don't need babysitting." I said.

"Yes you do."

"No." I said. My mom was close to tears. I hated doing this to her but there was no point in her going.

"What's the point?" I asked.

"If I die here if I die there? There's no way you can prevent it. It's my life mom. It's what I want." My mom was crying but she looked frustrated as well.

"Stay home. Spend time with dad. Work. Have a life." My mom shook her head and took me by the shoulders.

"You are my life Hazel." She whispered. I smiled.

"I won't be in a few months." And she broke. My mom put her head in my shoulder and sobbed. I rubbed her back.

"Shhhh... it's okay. It's going to be okay." I whispered.

"When I'm gone you can't become one of those hermit people. You have live your life and take care of Anna. If you sit around depressed all the time I swear I will haunt you." I could feel my mom laugh. She took my face into her hands.

"God life is going to be boring without you." She said. I laughed.

"I think you can manage without me." She hugged me again.

"My Hazel." I liked my mom's hugs. They were tight and desperate, as if I was being pulled away by a wind and she was holding onto me for dear life.

"Good morning ladies!" Dr. Maria said, cheery as ever. She had a clipboard in her hands. She flipped through the papers and smiled up at us.

"You are free to go m'dear." I smiled. My mom and I had already talk to Dr. Maria about the whole Amsterdam idea. I was afraid she would call a cancer team meeting but luckily Dr. Maria saw from my point of view and agreed that it was my choice.

"Thanks for everything Dr. Maria." She smiled at me.

"No problem at all Hazel. Have an amazing time in Amsterdam."

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

There was so much to do and so little time. Pack, pack and pack. We were only going for a week. It's December now. Snow is starting to fall in Indianapolis. It was a perfect time to go away to Amsterdam. I looked around my room and saw all the clothes scattered on my floor. I groaned.

"Why is packing so freaking boring?!" I shouted to no one in particular. I sighed and grabbed my purse. I dialed Hazel's number.

"Hello?"

"I'm coming over." I said.

"Okay. How come?"

"I'm bored."

"Okay."

"Okay." I hung up, grabbed my car keys and went out the door. 20 minutes later, I was standing outside Hazel's front door. I was wearing one of my regular outfits. A jean skirts with black leggings, a purple and black striped shirt with a green vest and combat boots. Hazel opened the door.

"Hey."

"Hi." I stepped inside and kicked off my boots. I looked Hazel up and down. She had more of a baby bump now. Her hair was a tangled mess on her head. She wore a pale pink shirt with a green hoodie and baggy blue jeans.

"What?" She asked.

"Nice fashion choice." I said.

"Back at you."

"All set for Amsterdam?" I asked. The Genies had set us up to leave on December 5th and be back by December 13th. Exactly a week in Amsterdam. We leave in three days.

"Almost." Hazel said.

"We have to go Rijksmuseum." Hazel said.

"They what now?" I asked.

"It's a museum in Amsterdam." She said. Hazel opened her laptop and showed me pictures.

"It's something that Gus and I wanted to do when we were there but we didn't get a chance. I want to go there for him." I nodded. Then I noticed something on the table next to Hazel's laptop.

"What's this?" I asked lifting it up. In Hazel's writing it said 'My Little Infinity'. Hazel grabbed it.

"Nothing."

"Come on Hazel what is it?" I asked. Hazel sighed.

"I'm writing some letters to Anna. You know, for when she's older."

"So she knows who you were." I said. Hazel nodded.

"I told everyone at Gus funeral that our love story would die with us but I think Anna deserves to know. I know you and Isaac and my parents will be there to tell her everything but I want her to know from me as well. Is that stupid?" I shook my head.

"No! I think it's amazing that you're thinking of Anna like this. She deserves to know how incredibly awesome her mom was." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

"Feeling up to some Amsterdam shopping?" Hazel laughed.

"Getting bored with your clothes?"

"Darling, I'm always bored."

* * *

**Hazel**

I've never been a huge fan of shopping. Shopping for books? I could literally do that for hours and hours on end. Clothes shopping? Kill me. But somehow, today I didn't mind. Maybe it was because Kaitlyn was trying so hard to make everything perfect. Kaitlyn would skim each aisle looking for something cute to wear and I'd be the friend who'd sit down and nod when she tried on something I liked.

We were taking a break in the cafeteria, sipping at some warm lattes.

"What do you think it's like? Dying, I mean." Kaitlyn asked awkwardly.

"I don't know." I said.

"I guess there are two different ways of dying." Kaitlyn said.

"There's the slow and painful way of dying and then there's quick and peaceful way of dying." I nodded.

"Guess so."

"What do you think Heaven is like?"

"I don't really believe in Heaven." I said.

"What do you believe in?" I sighed.

"I believe in a capital 'S' somewhere. Somewhere with my Gus." I said with a smile. Kaitlyn smiled.

"You really did love him didn't you?"

"I still do. I will always love Augustus Waters. I can never un-love him." Kaitlyn nodded.

"I really hope I love someone like that some day." Kaitlyn said. I took Kaitlyn's hands.

"I promise you will." Kaitlyn smiled and sniffled.

"Ughh that's enough crying. No more crying." She stood up and reached down to pull me up.

"Come on. Let's go find a dress that'll

know the socks off your dorky blind friend cause it seems like he is going to be the only guy in my life." I laughed.

"Well too bad he can't see cause you're gonna look hot!"

"I think my hotness would blind a second time though."

* * *

**Hazel**

I woke at 5am on December 5th._ Amsterdam._ My mom came into my room and took a huge breath. Probably to scream Amsterdam.

"Mom!" My jumped back in shock.

"No need to scream at 5am in the morning. I'm awake and yes I know it's Amsterdam day." My mom deflated. My mom and dad rushed around the house making sure I had everything I needed for the trip and I sat down getting out of breath just watching them. I was excited about going to Amsterdam. The City of freedom and sin but I was also nervous. Nervous about going without my parents. Nervous about getting sick in a country. Nervous, nervous, nervous.

After my parents finished checking absolutely everything we threw everything into the car and we headed over to Kaitlyn's house.

"So this is exciting huh? Amsterdam round #2!" My dad said, trying to get me into a conversation. I just nodded. We parked outside of Kaitlyn's house. I texted her. **Outside now.** Kaitlyn threw open the door. She was wearing a bright orange sweater that ended just about her knees, long brown leggings, beige ugg boots, a green scarf and a brown toque. She dragged two large suitcases behind her. I opened the car door so she could climb.

"Oh my god I said take clothes not your whole freaking closet!"

"What can I say? A girl needs her accessories." Next, we went to get Isaac. When we got to Isaac house I made Kaitlyn get out and get him. She didn't seem to annoyed this time.

Isaac opened the door and the two of them walked arm and arm dragging a medium sized suitcase behind them.

"See Kaityln? That's the size suitcase you want." I pointed to Isaac's suitcase. She stuck out her tongue.

"Please don't tell me she has a monster sized suitcase in that car." Isaac said.

"She has two monster sized suitcases in this car." I said.

"Yea we could fit bodies in them." Kaitlyn said.

"Let's not test that theory." And we were off towards the airport. It was a long and quiet ride to the airport. When we finally got there it was all emotional. We climbed out of the car and grabbed our suitcases. My parents insisted on walking us to our gate. When we got to the gate my dad got teary eyed. He hugged me tight and held me for what felt like forever.

"I love you so much Hazel." He whispered.

"I love you too dad." He kissed me on the forehead. Next was my mom. She hugged me tight.

"Be safe." She said.

"Maybe you should get me a taser. Just in case." I said. My mom laughed and kissed me on each cheek.

"I love love love you Hazel Grace Lancaster."

"Love you too mom." We picked up our suitcase and went through our gate. I was giving my passport to the lady at the desk and I looked back towards the gate where my parents were still standing. My dad had his arm around my mom's shoulders and my mom was leaning into him. They both waved. I smiled and waved back. I'm going to miss my parents when I die. Kaitlyn was leading Isaac through customs.

"Come on Hazel!"

"Coming." I said. I looked back at my parents one more time and I blew them a kiss. I walked through customs.

"Amsterdam!" Kaitlyn said. Isaac smiled.

"Amsterdam." I laughed.

"Amsterdam."

* * *

**Hope that was to your liking!:) comment please and stay tuned for chapter 12. AMSTERDAM!:D**

**-Wallflower95**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys!:) who's excited for Amsterdam?! I AM! Has anyone seen TFIOS yet? I saw it here in Canada on opening. I'm not going to post any spoilers (but then again we all know what happens) anyway, I was... a little disappointed. Honest! I thought it'd be more... how do I put it? Magical I guess. Stupid word to use I know. I re-read the book after I saw the movie and they actually left a lot out. I thought the movie was okay. It's nothing like I thought it'd be. I thought it'd be more like the book but when you watch it you realize they left a lot out. I wish I could have seen more of Isaac and they just didn't get into the depth of Hazel and Gus's relationship. But hey this is my opinion. You guys can think what you want of the movie again it's just my opinion. Anyway, I'm sorry I took so long to write this chapter. It's been another crazy week plus I wanted to put a lot of thought into this chapter and I really hope you guys like the outcome!:)**

**-Wallflower95**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Hazel**

The last time I was on a plane was the time I hijacked Gus's wish to go see my ex-favourite author in Amsterdam. I sat in the plane that was taking us to Detroit where would then depart for Amsterdam. I sat there with all the memories flooding back while Isaac and Kaitlyn sat next to me chatting away. I smiled slightly. There were so many things I would miss in this world once I'm gone. I'd miss America's Next Top Model. I'm missing reading and playing video games. I'm miss the Waters, my parents, Isaac and Kaitlyn and of course I'd miss out on meeting my daughter. I rubbed my stomach and looked out the window. The plane shuddered as we took off. Everything shrank as we ascended.

"_Nothing has ever looked like this in all of human history!" _His crooked, goofy smile appeared in my mind. I leaned my head back and put my ear phones in and hit play. A slow song called "Home is Where I want To Be" by The Hectic Glow came on. I closed my eyes and played back my whole trip in Amsterdam with Augustus in my head. From the Van Houten visit, to the Anne Frank House kiss and to the end when he told me about his recurrence.

I looked out the window and saw the sun, rising in the distance.

_"The risen sun to bright in her losing eyes."_

"Hazel? You okay?"

"Hmm?" I took out the ear buds and looked at Kaitlyn.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said with a smile.

"I think I'm going to read for a bit." I said as I reached for An Imperial Affliction in my bag.

"Not tired?" Isaac asked.

"Nahh I don't really want to sleep." I said as I opened AIA to the page I was on.

"What is it with you and that book?" Kaitlyn asked, turning her head to the side to look at the cover of the book.

"It's..." I threw my hands into the air. Kaitlyn laughed and threw her hands into the air as well.

"I don't know what that means."

"I just can't describe it. There is no word in the human language to describe this book." Kaitlyn nodded seeming disinterested.

"Hey, when I die I want you two to read An Imperial Affliction." I said.

"Well I really wish I could but I kind of don't have these things in my head called eyes that would help you with that kind of stuff." Isaac said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm serious guys. Please? For me?" Isaac took a breath and Kaitlyn swallowed.

"Of course Hazel." Kaitlyn said. I smiled and thanked. I put my ear buds back in and listened to the lyrics.

_'Because, home is where I want to be.'_

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

_So this is what jet lag feels like._ The three of us walked out of the airport like zombies. Hazel had refused a wheelchair from the airport so she was slowly shuffling along in front of us while I pulled my two large suitcases behind and Isaac was at my arm. At one point, Isaac's blind man cane crossed my path and I swear to go I almost broke my neck.

"Watch it you handicapped person!" I grumbled miserably.

"Woah." Isaac said.

"What?" I snapped.

"You're even more irritable jet lagged!" I brought my arm back, ready to punch him on the arm.

"Guys!" I looked over at Hazel who was staring at us like a mom would when her children are misbehaving. I put my arm down and mumbled a sorry. I dragged my suitcases behind me._ I should have just brought one. _Hazel stood at the curb with her medium sized suitcase next to her and her oxygen tank tucking in between her legs. By the time Isaac and I had reached the curb, Hazel had already hailed a cab.

We managed to stuff all of our suitcase into the trunk and then the three of us piled into the cab.

"Where to?" The cabbie asked in english but with a dutch accent.

"Uh the..." Hazel looked at the paper in her hands.

"The Hotel Estherea?"

"Ya ya. Hotel Estherea." And the cabbie stepped on the gas right into traffic. My heart dropped to my stomach and I grabbed Isaac's hand._ Oh god._ There were so many windy roads. I tried to look and appreciate the beauty but I was focusing on slow breathing. Isaac inhaled deeply.

"God something smells amazing." He said._ Don't throw up. Don't throw._ I said to myself. I still had a death grip on Isaac's hand. Through squinted eyes I could Hazel looking around, breathing in the Amsterdam air. Remembering when she was here with Augustus. We sped over a bump in the road, the back of the car jumped. My stomach did an unpleasant somersault. I groaned and squeezed Isaac's hand so hard it turned blue.

"Ow! Quit it." Isaac said while trying to shake off my death grip. I groaned again and made Isaac freeze.

"Wait. Are you car sick?" We hit another bump in the road and groaned. Isaac burst out laughing.

"Kaitlyn is car sick?! That is hilarious!" I glared at him.

"I am never going to let you forget this!" Isaac said with a ridiculous smile on his face.

"Be careful you blind douche-pants. I might have to throw up soon and it might accidentally hit you in the face." That shut him up.

"We are here." The cabbie said. I sighed in relief.

"Get your blind ass out I need air." I shoved Isaac out of the car and he ended up on the sidewalk.

"What the-?" I kicked Isaac.

"Woah." I said.

"What?"

"If only you could see." Hazel said while stepping out of the cab. It was an elegant brown building with white pane windows all along. It was overlooking a quiet canal.

"This... is amazing." I said.

"Uh can I get some help? Some car sick nut job threw me out of the cab." Isaac said from the ground. Hazel and I reached down and pulled him up.

"So is the place good or what?" Isaac asked. Hazel smiled.

"Oh you know, it's kind of old. There are some smelly oldies and some gross looking kids. I bet the rooms look even better." I said. Isaac groaned.

"Please don't tell me there are going to be bugs crawling all over me tonight." Hazel laughed.

"She's kidding Isaac. It's perfect." And Hazel hugged him. For some reason my heart dropped a little. A weird feeling came over me when I saw Hazel hug Isaac but I shook the feeling away and smiled.

"Thanks you guys." Hazel said. And she pulled me in for a hug along with Isaac.

"Ahem!." We all turned to the cabbie who was standing with the driver car door open. Our suitcases were piled out in front of us. His hand was stretched out towards us, waiting for his incentive.

"Right. Pay the cabbie." I dug in my purse for some euros. As soon as the cabbie was gone we grabbed our suitcases and looked at the grand hotel in front of us.

"Ready for Amsterdam?" I asked.

"Actually, I'm a little tired. Maybe I'll take a nap." Hazel said.

"But you two should go out. Maybe take a walk." _Oh my god she is not trying to-_

Hazel smiled at me._ Yep, she is._

"Ugh come on." I dragged Isaac towards the hotel.

* * *

**Isaac**

Hazel had turned in for few hours. The cancer and pregnancy was really taking a toll on her but she always managed to put a smile on her face.

"Are absolutely positive you don't want to come?" Kaitlyn asked for the millionth time.

"I'm sure. I'm really tired. You two go have some fun. Explore a little." I may not have eyes in my head but I could tell Hazel was up to something. I had a feeling she was trying to set me up with Kaitlyn.

"Fun? With her? This girl's idea of fun is beating blind guys." I couldn't see it but I could definitely feel one of Kaitlyn's famous death glares on me. Kaitlyn sighed in exasperation.

"Fine. I'm gonna change." Fifteen minutes later Kaitlyn was ready to go.

"Alright nerd. Off we got to explore the city of freedom and sin." Kaitlyn and I walked arm in arm down the stairs.

"Just so you know-"

"Look I want to say-" We both said at the same time. We both laughed.

"You go."

"Okay, uh so I think I know what Hazel is trying to do here."

"Yeah me too." I said.

"I mean no offense to you at all, I'm sure you're a great guy when you're not being a blind pain in the ass..."

"None taken at all." I said.

"Yeah well you and me? Not happening..." Kaitlyn said.

"Right. Totally understand." I said.

"It wouldn't work right?" I said.

"Exactly! We just have nothing in common." She said.

"So. Friend?" She took my hand. I shook it.

"Friends." I agreed.

"So. What to do?" She asked. My stomach rumbled.

"Some food." I said.

"Food it is." We walked around asking the locals about good restaurants to eat at. We found a couple who could speak some english.

"Go too Oranjee. Very good. Take gondola."

"Great." Kaitlyn said.

"What?"

"Well they say there's a really good restaurant call Orangey whatever but we have to take a gondola."

"And your point is?"

"I don't like boats." Kaitlyn said. I closed my mouth, willing myself not to laugh.

"Shut up!" Kaitlyn said, hitting me on the shoulder.

"I didn't say anything!"

"Well you were thinking it." I smiled.

"Okay look. It's no big deal. I'll hold your hand and if you fall out of the boat I call for help." Kaitlyn took a deep breath.

"Okay." She said quietly. Kaitlyn paid the gondola driver and we both stepped in. Kaitlyn took in a nervous breath and held my hands. It was quiet and peaceful.

"See? This isn't so bad." I could Kaitlyn nod her head.

"Uh huh." I moved my hand from her death grip and slowly moved my arm around her shoulders (this time without hitting her in the face). I pulled her into my chest. I could hear her taking slow deep breaths. Her heart beating fast against my chest. We just stayed like that without saying anything.

"Oranjee." The gondola driver said. It smelled amazing. It made my stomach growl.

"Oh god I'm hungry." Kaitlyn said. Her fear of boats suddenly disappearing as she became hungry.

"Shall we?" Kaitlyn laughed.

"Yes. We shall."

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

It wasn't cold out so we asked for a table outside.

"Ah Americans I see. Here for pleasure?" The waiter asked in gorgeous dutch accent.

"More like forced." I said.

"Ah." The waiter said, looking confused. Another waiter came by and gave us a flute of champagne.

"Our gift to you my American friends." The waiter left us to choose our meals and drink champagne.

"Oh my god that is so..." Isaac said as he drank some more champagne.

"Incredible?"

"That's the word." I tasted it.

"It's like bubbles popping in my mouth. It's like..." I said as I searched for a word to describe this amazing beverage.

"Tasting the stars." I said. Isaac smiled.

"That's a good way to put it." We drank a little more.

"This is amazing." I said. Isaac nodded. The waiter swooped in with a notepad and pen.

"Your orders?" I looked at Isaac and then remembered _duh he can't see the menu.__  
_

"Can we please have the chef's choice?"

"Certainly." We sat quietly, waiting for our food.

"Do you ever wonder what it was like for Hazel and Augustus?" I asked.

"I just wonder what happens when you're in love." Isaac nodded.

"Well I heard about their relationship all the time from Gus. I know he loved her and if he is somewhere up there then he still loves her. Just like she still loves him." Isaac said. I nodded.

"I wonder what it was like for them when they were here." I said.

"I hope they had the time of their lives." Isaac said.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Once but I think it it was a more one-sided relationship. She broke up with me right before I got my eye cut out. Well, let's just say she definitely won worst girlfriend of the year award." I laughed.

"Have you ever been in love?" Isaac asked.

"Umm, well no I guess. I always think I'm in love but I pretty sure when you're in love you're supposed to I don't know, feel something when you're with them. I guess I'm still looking for the one." Isaac smiled.

"I think there are two kinds of love in this world. One is a total sham. You put on a show for the audience but in general you just don't feel anything for that significant other and there's something like Hazel and Gus's love. Something so rare and pure it only comes once in a lifetime." I nodded.

"I hope I have that one day." I said.

"Join the club." Isaac said. The waiter came with our food. It smelled amazing. Isaac raised his glass of champagne.

"To you." He said. I smiled.

"And to you."

"And to Hazel." I nodded.

"To Hazel."

* * *

**Ta-da! Hope that was good:) I'll try and get chapter 13 out asap. Comment, share with friends, like and favorite! Muchly appreciated:) also if you guys have the time let me know what you guys thought of the fault in our stars movie. Good, bad? Love, hate? Comment!**

**Thanks guys,**

**-Wallflower95**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! I've had the weekend to think about how the whole Amsterdam adventure is going to go and I am really happy with it:) I hope you like what's about to come! So Hazel, Isaac and Kaitlyn are having their own little adventure in the city of freedom and sin. Kaitlyn and Isaac suspect that Hazel is trying to set them up but these two friends/enemies refuse to be anything but two people who both happen to be friends with Hazel. I don't know about you guys but I don't think they can deny their close relationship for much longer;)**

**And I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's commented and read my little story. All of it means the world to me you guys! I really hope you guys like this chapter. Please comment and let me know what you think. I hope to get chapter 14 up very soon!**

**I also have one very important question for you guys! We are going to make a contest out of it though. Whoever has the best answer to my question I will use this lucky person's answer in my story:) you guys ready for the question? Yeah?! Okay! In the future, what do you see Kaitlyn doing for a living? how bout Isaac? You can post your answer in the comments or you can private message me. If I love your answer I will announce the lucky winner in my next chapter! Good luck to everyone!:)**

**Okay?**

**-Wallflower95**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Hazel**

I was well rested and ready for an adventure when I woke up the next day. I swung my legs to the ground and stepped on something squishy.

"Blind man is on the ground." Isaac groaned. I winced.

"Sorry Isaac." I whispered. Kaitlyn was lying in bed next to me. Her blonde hair was in a tangled mess on top of her head and she had her arm draped over her face.

"Where'd you two go off too last night?"

"Oh you know. Stuff." Isaac said. I laughed.

"Gee that's specific." I got ready to stand up when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I gasped.

"Hazel?" I rubbed my stomach.

"Hazel are you okay?" Isaac asked. I felt the sharp pain again.

"Oh god." I whispered.

"Hazel?"

"Come here Isaac!" I whispered with excitement. I dragged Isaac forwards and placed his hand on my stomach. The sharp pain came again and I saw Isaac's hand jump up.

"Is that-?"

"It's Anna." I said with a giant smile on my face. I wanted to cry. Sometimes when you talk to women who are pregnant they'll talk about how pregnancy is painful and gross. They'll say that stretch marks are ugly and that the baby kicks to much. When I felt Anna kicking inside of me I didn't think any of that. My only thought was that it was beautiful. It was amazing that I was carrying another life inside of me. Kaitlyn groaned right next to me. I shoved her.

"Time to wake up! Let's go out."

Half an hour later we were all dressed, woken by some coffee and ready to start the day.

"So Miss Lancaster where would you like to start?"

"The Rijksmuseum." I blurted.

"The who what?" Kaitlyn laughed.

"It's a museum Gus had wanted to go too when we were here." I said. Isaac nodded.

"Off to the Rijskmemmo bllaaah blah." Isaac said. I shoved Isaac to the ground. Kaitlyn hailed a taxi and we were off to one of the most popular museums in Amsterdam. When I was in Amsterdam, Gus said he had searched the collection at the Rijksmuseum. He had said there were pictures and paintings of people dying in battle and all that but there were no pictures of people dying of diseases. I intended to fix that.

"We are here. Rijksmuseum." The cab driver said. I climbed out of the cab and looked up at the museum. It was big. Really big. Looking at it made my chest hurt._ I'm not sure I can walk that much._ But I shook my head. _No, I can't give up. Not now. I can do it. For Augustus._

I walk forwards with determination in my stride. Kaitlyn walks beside with Isaac at her arm.

* * *

**Hazel**

Kaitlyn is trying to buy tickets from some dutch guy at the front counter while Isaac and I are waiting on the bench.

"What's your plan Hazel?" Isaac asked out of nowhere.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Hazel. You've got that tone in your voice." I laughed.

"I do not have a tone." I said.

"Yeah you do. You have that 'I'm going to do something risky in a totally foreign country' tone." I laughed again.

"Nothing like that Isaac."

"Then what are you going to do?" Isaac asked. I smiled at him even though he couldn't see it.

"You'll just have to wait and see." Kaitlyn walked towards us holding up three pairs of tickets proudly.

"All set?" I stood up.

"Yep!"

The museum had offered wheelchairs to me and Isaac. Isaac had been downright appalled when they asked him if he need one. I swear I thought Isaac would jump on them and start beating them up. I had just shook my head and said no thank you. People who aren't sick just generally look at people who are sick and pity them. They are always nice to sick people. Always helping them with doors and being polite and all. That's what I had always hated about my disease. That I was treated differently from other people. I want to be normal but I can't. I am and always will be sick. That's why don't take their pity. Because I want to be treated like a normal human being.

"Are you sure about the wheel chair Hazel?" Kaitlyn asked. I know Kaitlyn wants to be here for me but sometimes she doesn't understand. Just like the rest of them. I nodded.

"I'll be fine." I said. And I started the walk. There were countless paintings and drawings in the museum.

I'll be honest. I wasn't a huge fan of art but some of the Vermeer paintings really drew me in. As if each an every painting was telling a story. I kept skimming over each painting._ I need a good spot._

"Hazel. What are you doing?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Shh!" I said, holding my hand to silence her.

"Did she just shush you?" Isaac asked.

"I-she-"

"Wow. Kaitlyn is speechless. Who would have thought?"

"Oh shut up."

"And she's back." Isaac said.

"Guys please be quiet. I'm trying to focus." And there it was. A perfect spot. Between two paintings. One of a bloody battle with lots of bodies. It kind of reminded me of the movie we watched on the way to Amsterdam together. The one with all the spartans. And the other painting was a peaceful looking lake with flowers and sunshine. It looked beautiful.

"Stop here." I said. I looked around to make sure no one was watching. It was a particularily un-busy day at the museum. The security guard at the end of the hall was to busy joking around with his buddy in dutch. _Now is the time._

I reached into bag for piece of blank paper and some colored pencils.

"Uh Hazel? What on earth are you doing?" Kaitlyn asked.

"I'm going to make Gus's wish come true." I said.

"What wish?" Isaac asked.

"Well, not a wish exactly. He had said that there were no pictures of dying kids in the museum which I find absolutely insulting. Not everyone dies a hero's death. Some of us die because of something that's a part of us. That's why I'm going to draw a picture of him and put here." I said. Kaitlyn looked at me as if I were crazy.

"No." She said, shaking her head.

"We are in a foreign country! We can't just do that. We'll get into a lot of trouble."

"Pfft who cares?" Isaac said and he reached for my arm.

"Let's be Max Mayhem here shall we?"

"Please don't tell me you're talking about that stupid video game." Kaitlyn groaned.

"If Max Mayhem can't survive a million bullets then he can survive the wrath of a foreign country for putting a picture of a true hero on their stupid museum wall."

"Yeah you are talking about that stupid video game." Kaitlyn said, rolling her eyes.

"Give me paper and a pencil Private Jacks!" Isaac commanded. I laughed and handed him my paper and pencil and then realized, Isaac is blind.

"What the hell is that?" Kaitlyn said. We both looked at Isaac's masterpiece. It was literally a bunch of scribbles on some paper.

"It's Vermeer worthy isn't it?" Isaac said proudly.

"Oh yeah sure it is. You know where it really belongs?" Kaityln said sarcastically.

"Where?"

"On the wall at preschool!" Kaitlyn said. Kaitlyn balled up the piece of paper and threw it away.

"That could of made me famous." Isaac grumbled.

"Only in your dreams." Kaitlyn said. I laughed.

"Okay you two." I grabbed an extra piece of paper from back and started drawing. When I was done, Kaitlyn looked it over.

"It's not exactly Vermeer worthy but it way better than what this dork made."

"Hey!" I smiled. I can't draw for shit but I am a professional at drawing stick figures. One stick figure was a boy with one leg. The second stick figure was a girl with an oxegyn tank and the third stick figure was a little baby girl, right in the middle. At the top, I wrote in cursive 'Their Little Infinity'.

"Well? What does it look like?"

"Better than yours!" Kaitlyn snapped.

"Give me a boost!" I said. I stood on Kaitlyn cupped hand and I taped the picture up as high on the wall as I could get.

"There." I said proudly.

"Hey!" All our heads snapped towards the voice. The two security guards were running towards us.

"Are we being chased by angry dutch men?" Isaac asked.

"Yes." Kaitlyn said.

"Then there is only one thing to do... RUN!" And we bolted down the hallway. We probably looked ridiculous. One blind guy being lead by a girl in high heels and the other girl with an almost bulging baby stomach and an oxygen tank clanking behind her. But I didn't care. I had never felt so alive.

* * *

**Hazel**

We had managed to make it out of the museum without getting caught. As soon as we were in the clear we burst out laughing. There is nothing like laughter. No better feeling in the world when you are taking deep breaths after a great round of laughter. Sure I was huffing and puffing and my chest hurt but I still felt alive. Like I had accomplished something big. And I did. I did something for Gus. I was happy.

We were sitting at a cafe waiting for our orders of ice cream.

"So what was that all about? Really?" Kaitlyn asked. I smiled.

"My hope is that some day Anna will come here. I hope that she gets a chance come and see the place where I fell in love with Augustus Waters." Kaitlyn nodded.

"We'll make sure that happens for you Hazel." Isaac said. I smiled at my two best friends thinking that Anna will be very lucky to have these two people in her life.

"I know you will." I said. Then and there, I didn't feel so bad about leaving the world. It was the right thing to do. I'd miss everyone and of course they'd miss me but then I knew that I wasn't leaving Anna alone. She'd have people who care and love her. I took Isaac and Kaitlyn's hands.

"Thanks for that by the way." I said with a grin on my face. Isaac laughed.

"That's what friends are for." Isaac said. Kaitlyn smiled.

"Sure. Friends will always be here to commit criminal activity for you." She said with a hint of a smile on her face. The waiter brought us glasses of creamy looking ice cream.

"To criminal activity." Kaitlyn said, holding up her glass.

"To Max Mayhem saving our asses." Isaac said.

"To crazy and wild adventures." I said. I was really looking forward to the rest of the week in Amsterdam.

* * *

**That was a really fun chapter:) so again the contest. Answer my question and if I like your answer I will use it in my story. Here's the question again! In the future, what can you see Kaitlyn doing as a job/career? What can you see (not trying to pun his disability or anything... HONEST!) Isaac doing as a job/career? Put your answer in the comments or you can private message me! If I really like your answer I will announce the lucky winner in my next chapter!:D good luck to everyone and keep commenting and sharing the story with your friends. All this support is really appreciated you guys. You are all amazing!**

**-Wallflower95**

**p.s Very important news! Is anyone here a Jack Frost and Elsa fan? If you are please ready my sister's story! her username is birdywings and the story is A Winter's Promise. Please read it you guys! It awesome and you WON'T regret it!**

**THANKS!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everyone! I want to thank you all so much for answering my question in all your comments. I appreciate all your creative answers!:D I actually thought Isaac would always be a video game designer. It just seems like the perfect job for him! But then I figured it'd be kinda hard to do if you're blind. So I am going to announce the lucky winner! well actually... winners;) yep two winners here! Again you all had great answers but I feel these two answers best fit Kaitlyn and Isaac. The two winners are... (DRUM ROLL PLEASE!)**

**MK and Megan! Congratulations you two! MK says that Kaitlyn would be perfect as a hair stylist cause it's a social job. I also really think she could do something for cancer kids in that profession (no spoilers though). Megan said Isaac would be great as a therapist. I think Isaac can do a lot in that kind of career. Helping the little guys, being Max Mayhem and not sugar-coating or punning their disabilities. Perfect job for him!:) Thank you all again for participating in the contest.**

**I also just wanted to say to everyone that yes I know there are typos in my story. I promise as soon I'm done the story I will make edits and correct all of it:)**

**Hope you guys like the chapter. Comment and let me know what you think!:) Happy reading.**

**-Wallflower95**

**p.s To Marie: Sorry there aren't a lot of Hazel and Augustus scenes well cause... Gus isn't really suffering from person-hood...:( But don't worry! Hazel might see Gus sooner than you think... stay tuned!**

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

I woke to the sound of someone throwing up. I looked at the clock and groaned. 6:38am._ God it's early._ I rolled over and noticed Hazel was gone. More throwing up. _Shit._ I threw the blankets off and tiptoed past Isaac who was sound asleep. A stream of light was coming from the bathroom door. I knocked on the door lightly.

"Hazel?" I whispered. She was throwing up violently. I winced.

"I'm coming in." I said. And I pushed the door open. Hazel was sprawled on the ground with her head in her hands. She was crying softly.

"Oh Hazel." I whispered. I closed the door and sat down beside her. She tried to push me away but her small arms didn't move me.

"I'm fine. You can go. I'm okay." But she kept crying. Hazel turned towards the toilet and threw up some more. The smell made me gag but I stayed where I was. I wasn't going to leave Hazel.

"It's just morning sickness Kat. I'm fine." But Hazel wasn't fine. She was taking on so much. She had lost so much weight since she found out about her pregnancy. She was pale and so small. But she was so strong. Stronger than everyone. I stuck my head outside the bathroom, took a deep breath of fresh air and went back in there to help my friend. I cleaned up Hazel and her mess and then I helped her stand up.

"So this is what it's like to die." Hazel whispered. I shook my head.

"Nah you're not dying Hazel. You're..." I tried to think of something smart to say.

"You're giving something to the world. That's what you're doing." A small smile appeared on Hazel's face.

"Nice save." I smiled.

"I try my best." I got Hazel back into bed.

"Do you think it'll hurt?"

"What?" I asked.

"Dying." I didn't want to think Hazel would die. I wanted to keep thinking Hazel would live forever and raise Anna. But like Hazel always said. The world is not exactly a wish granting factory.

"No. I don't think it'll hurt." But I didn't believe my words. I guess there are two ways of dying, the fast way. So fast you don't feel the pain. And then there's the slow way. Slow and painful and full of suffering. Hazel nodded and closed her eyes. Within seconds she was fast asleep.

I suddenly didn't feel like sleeping. I just stared at Hazel's sleeping figure. She deserved so much better. She deserves to have a life and she doesn't get anything. It was so unfair. I crawled back into bed and let the tears of frustration roll down my cheeks.

* * *

**Hazel**

Morning sickness sucks. Especially when your friends are forced to watch and take care of you afterwards. After puking for an hour, I took a hot shower and got ready for the day. I was thankful that Kaitlyn didn't ask me how I was feeling. That question was really starting to annoy me.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Isaac asked. It was only our third day in Amsterdam. I was so tired. So damn tired. But I got this wish. I need to complete it no matter what.

"How bout Vondelpark?" I said weakly. _Ugh pathetic. Come on Hazel. Suck it up. _Kaitlyn looked unsure but Isaac smiled.

"The park it is!" 20 minutes later we were off too the park. I had refused the wheel chair again but I was starting to regret that choice. I could feel my crap lungs struggling for air and I was huffing and puffing just from the walk. _Just pathetic. _Kaitlyn had her hand on my arm.

"How bout a break Hazel?" She said softly. I nodded and sat down on a bench with her and Isaac. My chest was burning but I didn't really care. I had to keep going. I was so close to Anna. I can't give up now. I looked around. The entrance to Vondelpark was just a few meters away. _Come on Hazel Grace. _I looked across the street and saw him. Standing tall in in dark jeans, a blue t-shirt and a brown jacket. An unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. His mouth didn't move when he spoke but I could still hear him. _You wouldn't give up that easily would you Hazel Grace?_ Determination set I my face. I stood up, back straight and ready to go. _That's my Hazel Grace._ A bus drove past and Augustus disappeared.

I shook my head._ Great. I'm seeing my dead boyfriend. I must be going crazy now._

"Let's go." I said. And I marched towards the Vondelpark with Kaitlyn and Isaac trailing behind me.

* * *

**Hazel**

It was so beautiful. The park. Yes it was crowded and loud but it was still in a way peaceful and beautiful. I tend to look beyond looks and see beauty in everything. Kaitlyn had smuggled some food from the continental breakfast at our hotel so we were all sitting down eating some dutch pastries. Isaac leaned his head back and breathed it all in.

"This is the life." He said. The only thing that would make this day perfect was to have Augustus here. My heart ached for him.

"Gus would love this." I said softly. Isaac nodded.

"Of course, he would but then he'd ruin the moment by finding something wrong with the scene." Isaac said. I laughed.

"Yeah, maybe." I said.

"Hazel?" I heard someone say my name behind me. I turned to find a tall red headed woman standing behind me.

"Lidewij?" Lidewij Vliegenthart, the former assistant to Peter Van Houten the reclusive author of An Imperial Affliction (and a professional douche face) stood behind us looking at me in shock. Lidewij recovered from her moment of shock and swooped in to give me a hug.

"Why Hazel! So good to see you!" She helped me stand up and she looked me up and down.

"How are you?" She asked. I smiled and shrugged.

"Alright I guess. Not much has changed." Lidewij nodded, her red hair bouncing along with her head movements.

"I want to say I am so sorry about your dear young man Augustus Waters. He was too young and taken to soon." Lidewij said sadly. I nodded. Lidewij changed the subject.

"How is your health?" I shook my oxygen tank.

"Not the best but manageable." I nodded towards Isaac and Kaitlyn.

"These are my friends Isaac and Kaitlyn." Lidewij introduced herself.

"What brings you to Amsterdam my dear friends?" Isaac spoke up.

"I made it my wish to take Hazel to Amsterdam one last time." He said. Lidewij looked at me.

"Last time?" I rubbed my stomach and nodded.

"Well, it seems that Gus left something behind..." Lidewij gasped.

"No..." I nodded.

"Little junior in here." I said, patting my stomach. Lidewij laughed with some tears coming to her eyes.

"Oh goodness, excuse me." She said while rubbing her eyes and then she took me by the shoulders.

"That is beautiful news my young friend." She said. I smiled.

"It is indeed." Lidewij seemed to be happy for me but I could see some sadness in her eyes. She probably knows I'm dying.

"You must join us for dinner." She said with a huge grin on her face.

"Us...?" And this giant of a guy came to Lidewij's side. I'm not joking. He was huge. It looked as if his body was about to explode out of his shirt. Kaitlyn's mouth hung open as she looked the guy up and down.

"This is my boyfriend. Bas." Bas nodded and shook our hands.

"I... uhhh...mmmm..." I looked at Kaitlyn and tried really hard not to laugh. She was struggling to get words out but failed to do so. Isaac moved his head around in a confused manor.

"What's going on?" Isaac asked loudly. I smiled and Kaitlyn blushed a furious looking red. She shuffled her feet nervously and looked at the ground. I chuckled.

"We'd love to join you for dinner." I said smiling at Bas and Lidewij.

"Wonderful. Meet us at the Bolenius restaurant tomorrow night? I shall email you directions. Your email still the same ya?" I nodded. Lidewij clapped her hands together and smiled.

"Lovely. Wonderful to see you again Hazel." She hugged me tight.

"We will see you and your friends tomorrow night." Bas took Lidewij's hand and they walked away from us. Kaitlyn released her breath she was holding.

"What were you holding your breath for?" Isaac asked.

"Nothing." Kaitlyn snapped. Kaitlyn was still blushing.

"So fancy dinner tomorrow night?" Kaitlyn asked, changing the subject. I nodded.

"Guess so."

"And who is she?" Isaac asked.

"Former assistant to Peter Van Houten." I said.

"Your favorite author?"

"Ex favorite author." I said.

"Fancy dinner with the ex assistant and her hulk of a boyfriend." Kaitlyn said.

"Yep."

"You know what that means right?" I looked at Kaitlyn. She had an evil grin on her face. I shook my head.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"YES!"

I knew what she was going to say but I really didn't want her to say it. Isaac clued in.

"Oh god please no." He said. Kaitlyn jumped up and down.

"SHOPPING IN AMSTERDAM!" Isaac groaned.

"We're doomed."

* * *

**Hope this chapter was satisfactory:) it wasn't my best but i promise the next chapter will be waayyyy better! **

**I just want to say again congrats to our two winners MK and Megan for the best answers! And thanks again for all your suggestions. They were all amazing:)  
**

**hoping to get chapter 15 up sometime during the weekend. thanks for reading and stay tuned!**

**-Wallflower95**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for commenting:) I just can't believe we're at chapter 15 already! I've been looking back at the beginning of my little story and this has just been an incredible journey and it's been so much fun writing this. I wouldn't be where I am right now without all your support. You guys gave me a forever within the numbered chapters and for that I am grateful. You are all amazing and I just love you guys3**

**To answer MK's question, I am hoping I'll hit maybe 25-30 chapters in this story. There's still so much to the story and I want to share it all with you guys! To raegenb123, Hazel is about seven months into her pregnancy. To Sammi, Thanks for letting me know what you think about Kaitlyn and Isaac! All your input is appreciate:) To , I will do both! Hazel is starting to hallucinate and see Augustus a little more towards the end of... shall we say her story. It's also because Gus promised Hazel he would try and stick around in ghost form and I thought it'd be great to have him towards Hazel's last few good days. Don't worry you guys. You'll see some more Augustus! and to megan, yeah that'd be fun i'd love to do that!:)**

**Recap: Last we saw our trio was headed out for some shopping. It's a day after they saw Lidewij and Bas in Vondelpark. Let's have a little fun shall we? Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was a lot of fun to write. Please let me know what you think and if you have any questions just let me know. Thank you for all the support you guys. YOU ARE ALL AWESOME!:D**

**Happy reading!**

**-Wallflower95**

* * *

**Kaitlyn**

The next day, we headed out for some shopping beofore our dinner with Lide-whats her name and her gorgeous looking boyfriend. Okay, yes. I like shopping. Okay that's a lie. I love shopping. Shopping in Amsterdam? Even better. Our first stop was a fancy looking dutch store that we probably couldn't even afford. It was just fun to try things on.

"Come on Hazel. You go and try something on." I said. Hazel was never a shopper. I'd know. She would always sit around and watch me try stuff on. But today it's her turn. She's under the spotlight. Hazel nodded and we looked around for a perfect dress.

"So do you think you'll see your author friend?" I asked. Hazel laughed.

"God I hope not. He was such a drunk douche face." she said as she searched the racks for a dress. I nodded.

"Do you think he'll... you know. Change his ways?" I asked. Hazel shrugged her shoulders.

"Who knows? Everyone is capable of changing. They just have to choose whether they want to change or not."

"Why do you think he's like that?" I asked. Hazel sighed.

"Well, I think it's because of his daughter. She had cancer just like Anna in An Imperial Affliction. She died when she was only eight years old." Hazel said. I swallowed a lump in my throat and nodded. Dying sucks.

"I guess I can kinda see why he is the way he his." Hazel said.

"But again, we are who we choose to be and Peter Van Houten chooses to be a drunken asshole. It's not really my problem." Hazel said. I nodded again. My eyes lit up.

"Oh! i found the perfect dress for you." I held up a grass green flowy , knee high dress. The collar wasn't to low and it showed off some of the back.

"This would look amazing on you." I said. Hazel laughed and took the dress.

"God everyone will see my skeleton."

"Just try it on!" I sat down next to Isaac as Hazel headed into the change room to try on the dress.

"You girls find something?"

"Yes. Now we need to find you a suit." I teased him. Isaac groaned.

"Just don't make me look like an idiot." I laughed.

"Trust me honey. You don't need any help with that." Isaac tried swatting at me but he missed me.

"Okay. Here I come." Hazel stepped out of the change room and I gasped. Green was a good color on Hazel. It was almost the same green as her eyes. Yes her bones showed off a little more than they used to but it worked. Her hair wasn't the usual messy tangled mess. She looked...

"Incredible!" I said and clapped my hands. Hazel smiled nervously.

"It's definitely a keeper." I said. Hazel smiled and looked at her reflection. Her baby bump barely showed through the dress. I swear it's like a Kate Middleton pregnancy.

* * *

**Isaac**

Of all the things we could do in Amsterdam, Kaitlyn says we have to shop. Of all the things! What a girl. Kaitlyn and Hazel were all giggly as they dragged me to yet another store. The only reason I went was because it made them happy. Hearing them laugh was kind of like music to my ears. I wish it didn't have to end. I wish everyone could be happy and healthy. I smelled a lot of perfume as we entered some store.

"Woah." Both Hazel and Kaitlyn said.

"What?" I asked.

"Just the dream all girls dream. No biggy." Kaitlyn said. Kaitlyn and Hazel helped me sit down.

"Alright. Time for a fashion show!"

"Too bad I can't witness this. I have very good taste in clothes." I said. Someone shoved my shoulder.

"Says the guy who kinda dresses like a hobo." Kaitlyn said. I heard someone next to me sit down breathing hard.

"You good Hazel?"

"Yeah." She said sounding out of breath.

"Just a little breathless."

"As opposed to normal?" I said teasingly. Hazel shoved me in the shoulder.

"Watch it." She said jokingly. I could still hear her breathing hard. I hurt me inside to know that Hazel was suffering like this and I could do absolutely nothing about it. Thinking of Hazel like this reminded me of something Gus had told me before he died. It had been nine days before he died when I talked to him about Hazel.

* * *

_I was blind yes but I wasn't deaf. Augustus didn't sounds Augustian at all. He sounded tired and weak. The cancer eating away at his body._

_"Hey man." I said as I reached for a chair._

_"Hey Isaac." Augustus said, no longer sounding like like himself. I winced. Augustus chuckled weakly._

_"Trust me you are lucky you can't see me. I look like absolute hell." Augustus said. I laughed._

_"I bet. Thank god for being blind." Augustus laughed and then winced in pain._

_"I- I wish..." My voice trailed off. I couldn't get the words out. _

_"The world is not exactly a wish-granting factory my friend." Augustus said. I nodded._

_"I fucking hate that." I said, anger stirred inside me. Why did I have to lose my best friend? It was so unfair that 85% of people with Osteosarcoma survive and Augustus Waters is in the unlucky 15%._

_"It's so god damn unfair." I said._

_"It is." Augustus said._

_"You don't sound upset about it though." I said._

_"I think I've learned to... accept the things I can't change. I can't change the fact that I have cancer and that I'm dying from it. I can't. But I can choose to not make my disease my life. I did all the things I wanted. I'm okay with that." I laughed._

_"What?" He asked._

_"That sounds like something Hazel would say." I said. Augustus laughed._

_"I may or may not have borrowed some of her words." I could practically see Augustus's famous crooked smile stretching across his face._

_"Not to say I don't love you or anything man but I am going to miss Hazel Grace more than anything." Augustus said. I could hear the sadness in voice._

_"Dude, you're such a back-stabbing cheater! I thought you love me over Hazel." I said jokingly._

_"Sorry man but Hazel Grace has moved up the ladder." I nodded._

_"You really love her huh?"_

_"Dude, she is everything to me." And that was when I realized there isn't a love like that. You don't that kind of love very often. It's incredibly rare and I thought it was so unfair for life to just take Augustus Waters away from the world like this._

_"I don't want to leave her." Augustus whispered._

_"I want you to do something for me Isaac." I heard some movement and I felt Augustus put something in my hand. I didn't know what it was but I was wrapped in a paper bag I think._

_"I'm still going to be here. Hanging around in ghost form of course but I can't give this to Hazel Grace in ghost form. I need you to give it to her." I nodded._

_"What is it?"_

_"You'll have to wait and see." I could hear his smile spreading across his face._

_"Really man? Why would you say that?" Augustus laughed._

_"Give it to Hazel Grace on her last good day."_

_"Wh-"_

_"Please?" I sighed._

_"Yeah sure man."_

_"Thank you Isaac." I heard him lie back in bed._

_"Take care of her for me would you? Make sure Hazel Grace has an amazing life. That's all I want for her. I know she'll be sad and in pain. But that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt. Just tell her to remember me... and to remember what we had. Our little infinity." I nodded. I could feel hot tears trailing down my cheeks._

_"Yes. Of course I'll do that."_

_"And Isaac?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Enjoy every moment, every second in your life. Good things will happen and bad things will happen. Pull through it for me. Like Max Mayhem would." I laughed._

_"Okay Gus. I'll try."_

_"There is no try, only do."_

* * *

**Isaac**

"Isaac? Isaac?" I shook myself out of the memory.

"Hmm?"

"Can you help Kaitlyn? I'm just really tired. I can't really move right now." Hazel sounded out of breath and exhausted.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"In the change room." My mouth hung open.

"What the hell?!"

"Please Isaac?" Hazel begged. I groaned and then stood up. My blind man stick in front of me.

"To your left a bit." Hazel said.

"Yeah, there you go. Knock on the door." Every word out of Hazel mouth came out slow and quiet. I was really worried about her but apparently I had to go play superman for Kaitlyn. I knocked on the door.

"Kaitlyn?"

"Help!" Kaitlyn hissed.

"Well I wish I could but there seems to be door separating us." The door unlocked and I was yanked inside.

"What the-" Kaitlyn slapped a hand on my mouth.

"Don't say anything. Just help me. Please." I nodded. She took her hand off my mouth.

"What's the problem my damsel in distress?"

"The zipper is stuck on the dress and I can't get it." My heart was pounding. It felt like my heart was going to come out of my mouth.

"O-okay." I said. _Why the hell am I choking up? It's just Kaitlyn for christ sake._ I could hear Kaitlyn turn around, her back in front of me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached forwards. I felt Kaitlyn's exposed back.

"Sorry." I whispered. I felt the zipper on the dress and I tugged at it gently. It seemed to take ages but I finally got the zipper working. I slowly tugged it upwards, zipping it all the way up. My fingers gently moving up along her back. Her skin was soft and warm. She had some dimples on her back. I always liked dimples. When I still had my sight I would always look at Monica's face when we were still dating, I would be mesmerized by the dimples on her face.

"There." I whispered.

"Thank you." She whispered. I don't what came over me, I just did it. I lifted my hand up and prayed to god I wouldn't hit her in the face. My hand fell on her shoulder. Smooth. I could hear Kaitlyn's breathing get faster. Her skin felt warmer than before. My hand worked it's way slowly up her neck. I could smell her perfume. It was vanilla this time. My hand was now on her cheek. Kaitlyn was holding her breath now. I was about to put my other hand on the other side of her face when a voice woke us up.

"Are you guys still alive in there?" Hazel called. My hands fell to my sides and Kaitlyn let out the breath she was holding in.

"Yeah. I'm coming out." Kaitlyn unlocked the door and went out to show Hazel her dress. I let out my breath and leaned against the wall.

_What the hell was that all about?_ I shook my head.

"Isaac? Are you just going to stay in there all day?" Kaitlyn called. I sighed and stepped out of the change room.

* * *

**Hazel**

I sat in front of the vanity mirror in our hotel room. I looked dead. That's what I looked like. Hollow and empty. There was no Hazel Grace Lancaster anymore. She's just an empty shell now. Kaitlyn had insisted on putting some makeup on me. I had some blush and lipstick on. To put some color on my face. My bones were more prominent than before.

"Ready?" Kaitlyn waltzed in wearing a dark purple dress with white flats on her feet. Her blonde hair was tied on one side.

"You look great Kaitlyn." I said. Kaitlyn smiled and spun around.

"As do you my dear." I laughed.

"Well, let's get this over with." Isaac walked in. Kaitlyn sucked in her breath and her whole face turned absolutely red. Isaac was wearing a black suit, a sky blue button down shirt and a red tie. He looked very handsome. Well not like Augustus cause let's face it, Augustus was crazy sexy hot. I looked over at Kaitlyn. She was still staring at Isaac with wide eyes. I cleared my throat and that seemed to wake her up.

"Shall we get going?"

We took a cab to the Bolenius restaurant. It was no Oranjee but it still beautiful. A waiter lead us to a table where we found Lidewij and Bas.

"Good evening everyone." Lidewij said, her dutch accent a little heavy. At first the dinner was a little awkward with Lidewij and me just talking about my health and how Anna was doing. But then Kaitlyn and Isaac joined in and everything was fine.

"You name her after the character in Peter's book yes?" I nodded while taking a sip of water.

"It's kind of the book that brought us together and... I don't know. It meant something to both of us so I figured it was suitable."

"That it is Hazel." Lidewij said.

"So if you not Van Houten's assistant anymore, what do you do?" Isaac asked.

"I am a guide at the Van Gogh museum." Lidewij answered. She shrugged.

"It is not much but it makes me happy." She said with a smile.

"How bout Van Houten? What has he been up to?" Lidewij sighed.

"I have not seen Peter for many months."

"Is he not still in Amsterdam?" Kaitlyn asked. Lidewij shrugged her shoulders.

"After he had gotten back from Augustus's funeral he had locked himself up in his home. A week after he got a back I went into his home to get the rest of my things. He was gone. I have not heard from him." I looked at Kaitlyn and she shrugged her shoulders.

"Well good riddance." Isaac mumbled.

"I would like to think that he is trying to change his ways. That he went back into the world to fix all his wrongs." Lidewij said. I shrugged.

"He's got to have guts to do that." Isaac said.

"How hard it must be to go back to something you've been away from most of your life." Lidewij said. Who knows? Maybe Peter Van Houten left Amsterdam and found new place to write sequel to AIA. Or maybe he's just drunk somewhere.

"Shall we make a toast?" Lidewij asked. I smiled and raised my glass of water as did everyone else.

"To good life?" For a moment, I saw Augustus. He was wearing the same suit he wore at Oranjee. His mouth didn't move but I heard his words.

_To good life Hazel Grace. Okay?_

I looked back at our table.

"Okay."

* * *

**No spoilers but unfortunately our Amsterdam trip will have to end soon:( hope you like this one! comment and let me know what you think! Thanks and stay tuned for chapter 16!:D**

**~Wallflower95**


End file.
